


Sora's Perspective

by MelodiouslyNocturne



Series: Rules Of Three [3]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Anal Sex, Delusions, Hallucinations, I know nothing about modeling shhhh, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Modeling, Ritual Sex, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-10
Updated: 2013-11-07
Packaged: 2017-12-18 08:03:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 23,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/877489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelodiouslyNocturne/pseuds/MelodiouslyNocturne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rules of Three - Continuation of Sora's Side</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Defiant

In the morning, Riku’s arms were still around me, holding me tightly, his body cold as it always was first thing. I would have loved to have stayed there for a few more hours, when he would wake up. We would have breakfast together, plan out our day of adventure, avoid a fan or two (it was inevitable). Alas, things don’t ever work out the way you want them to. I had a photo shoot. Grudgingly, I crawled out of bed, careful not to wake up my fiancé. Slipped some sweatpants, shoes and a hoodie on, grabbed my phone, and jogged out the door.

The photo shoot wasn’t far from our apartment, maybe 10, 15 blocks. It was a breezy fall day, not quite summer, not quite winter. The leaves weren’t green, but they weren’t reds, oranges and purples yet. I jogged down the road, dodging fallen garbage cans and the occasional business man rushing to his car. The shoot was in a park, around the gazebo. The photographer refused to tell me what it would be I was wearing, and normally that wouldn’t concern me. But considering the move I pulled at my last shoot, I could do well to wearing a full body suit.

“Sora! Over here!” Melissa, my agent, waved me over, a coffee in each hand. I slowed to a walk and she handed me the coffee. “I hope you got the photos from the last shoot. Did you like them?”

I nodded, taking a sip. A little cold, but good nonetheless. “Riku hated the one I dropped Alice in. Got jealous.”

She had the benefit of being not only my, but his agent. “Of course he did. So today, you’re doing the new fall suit line for limehaus. Not soon enough.” She smiled, nudging me.

I rolled my eyes. “I told you, I’ve already got my suit for the wedding. Don’t go thinking you can change my mind.”

“But Sora -”

“There he is! Sora Kirkpatrick!” An overzealous woman approached us. “My name is Lin Chi. I will be your photographer today. Vinesha, my assistant, will lead you to the prep area.” A girl roughly my age smiled widely at me, her face glowing with excitement.

As was expected, she led me over to the tent. I was shoved into a shielded area where an old tailor dressed me, pinning the pants to the right length; apparently I’d grown since my last measurements were done the month previous. Makeup was next. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure why I need to go in for makeup. Am I not stunningly gorgeous on my own? Either way, it took the makeup artist at least a half hour to ‘perfect’ my face.

“Took you long enough.” Melissa smirked.

“Oh ha ha.” I made a face at her. For two professionals, we have a very unprofessional relationship. “Where would you like me, Miss Chi?”

“Oh, please call me Lin.” She blushed. Women. “If I could have you just inside the gazebo, that’d be lovely.”

I nodded, moving into the natural wood structure. “What’s the mood? How do you want me to pose?”

“For now, we’re looking for that feeling of longing. You’re waiting for your… partner, whether you’ve found them or not. Pose however you like.” She said, eyeing me up and down, obviously checking me out. I rolled my eyes and did as she asked.

The problem with being in the limelight, no matter what kind, is the general public’s interest in your life. They want to know who your friends are, what you eat for breakfast, what kind of bubble baths you like to use. I surely have had my fair share of that questioning, mostly around my sexuality. You take one too many pictures very close to other men and the automatic jump is to ‘he’s gay’. In my case, at least they’re right. In every interview I’ve had since the photo shoot I met Riku in, where we happened to share an on-camera kiss, my sexuality has been questioned. Each time I am as defiant as always, telling them to bugger off. If they knew him and I were together, it would be the biggest news in the fashion world next to the New York Fashion Week. Let’s not even consider the possibility of them discovering the marriage.

My dazed, daydreaming look was quite the hit. “Yes, Sora! Exactly!” Lin exclaimed, snapping wildly.

As if almost on cue, Riku appeared, walking towards us and calling my name. My eyes widened, and I ran to him, ignoring Lin’s protest. 


	2. Nostalgia

“What are you doing here?” I said, shocked.

He smiled. “What do you think? Like the suit?”

Just then I noticed he was, in fact, wearing a matching suit from the collection. My eyes lit up and I hugged him again. “I love it.”

He spun me around and led me back to the shoot site, acting as if nothing had happened. Interestingly enough, it was rather common for models to run off set to their friends if they happened to be nearby. As we approached, Melissa looked at us and gave us the half smile and eyeroll she’d perfected working with me. “Lin, this is Riku.”

“I hope I’m not too late.” He smiled, shaking her hand.

She nearly melted. “No, no. It’s quite alright.” She held his hand longer than necessary, gazing into his eyes. _Those eyes are mine!_ I thought jealously.

He eased his hand out of her grip. “Where would you like me?”

She blinked, pulling herself out of her daydream. “I’d like you both in the gazebo. I’d like to see that feeling of being found, yet daydreamy, like you were earlier, Sora.” I nodded. “Sora, I’d like if you were closer to the front, since you’re shorter. No offense.” She covered quickly as Riku’s eyes lit on fire.

“None taken.” I said to her, nudging Riku hard in the ribs. He knew better.

We stood on set, interacting, not interacting, alone, together. There were more than a few good shots, shots I’d love to have for the wedding album.

After fifteen minutes of shooting together, she wanted time with him, hoping to achieve what she’d gotten from me. I stood to the side, watching him in his element. The way he moved, the passion in his eyes… It was shocking, overwhelming even. He was dedicated, and it showed with every movement, every line, every glance, every muscle.

“Hey, Sora.” Melissa came up beside me, patting me on the shoulder. I nodded to her, not taking my eyes off him. “You two’ve got to be careful. Some of the crew are starting to put two and two together.”

“Let them.” I sighed, not entirely listening to what she was saying.

“Sora?”

“Hmm, sorry?” I turned to her.

“Be careful. The crew is putting two and two together.” I rolled my eyes. It didn’t matter who we shot with; everyone had this preconceived notion that we were dating and treated us as such. Sometimes it would be nice to keep business strictly business. “Unless you plan on telling the world you’re engaged to Riku Bellamy, I would get used to people speculating.”

There was no way getting around it. “I’ll talk to Riku.” We watched another few minutes. “Remember our first shoot together?”

She cocked her head. “Ours, or yours?”

“Him and I.”

She nodded. “That was the Sleeping Beauty shoot, right?”

I nodded. “It was my first shoot. Riku was a rising name in modeling, and I’ve always wondered how you managed to get me into that one.” She smiled. She’d never tell. “I got on set and laid down as Beauty. All I had to do was lay there and pretend to sleep.”

“Didn’t you fall asleep at one point?”

I rolled my eyes. “You and the director were talking, then Riku showed up. What else was I supposed to do, get up? If you remember, he spent twenty minutes getting me in the right spot.”

“I remember.” She answered, an edge to her voice.

“So I was laying there, and a hand landed on my shoulder. That bloody director yelled at me not to move, and it was hard.”

“You were twitching all over the place.”

“Shut up.” I punched her lightly in the arm, a smile on my face. “What happened in the couple minutes after that? He was too quiet to hear and he didn’t touch me again.”

“The director had me move around you, pretend you were in a glass case and I was breaking you out.” Riku said, a smile on his face. He slung his arm over my shoulder and we started walking towards the prep tent. "Then you decided to kiss me."

"And then you decided to kiss me!" I exclaimed, bumping hips with him. "I had my eyes closed! You attacked me!"

"If you remember," He looked at me. "You kissed me again when I pulled away. "

"Either way," Melissa interjected. "It was adorable."

We both smiled at her. "Thanks, Mel."


	3. Heartbeat

I laid on his chest, my stomach full of Chinese takeout and wine, my head full of intoxicated warmth. His bare chest was soft, almost baby like. I ran my hand down his chiseled abs, carving out every muscle, bone, sinewy strand. “Riku?”

“Mmm?” He grunted, pulled out of his light nap.

“You’re amazing.” I smiled, kissing his chest.

He smirked. “That would be you, Sorbear.” He ran his hands through my hair, massaging my scalp gently.

I curled into him, sucking his body warmth into my body. My head rested over his heart. “Why’s your heartbeat so fast?”

“It always beats that fast around you.” I looked at him, not believing what he said. “It’s true. Ever since I first saw your picture, my heart hasn’t stopped beating that fast.”

I smiled. “That can’t be good for you.”

“Well, no.” He slid his warm hand under my shirt, right over my chest. “Your heart beats just as fast, didn’t you notice?”

I blushed, shaking my head. “You’re lying.”

“I’m not.” He smiled, taking my hand in his and placing it on my heart.

Indeed, it beat at the same speed as his. “We’re synchronized.” I smiled, looking up at him.

He nodded. “And it shows that we’re meant to be together.” He smiled widely.

I snorted. “You know how gay we sound right now?” He nodded and we burst out laughing, sides aching, bodies shaking.

I rolled on top of him, laying directly on his chest. “So today.”

He smiled. “You looked pretty sexy in that suit.”

I blushed. “Did not.” He rolled his eyes. “Anyways, Melissa told me that people are starting to suspect us.”

“Uh huh.” He nodded. “I know.”

“She said we should just come out with it, clear up all the gossip.”

He thought for a moment, rubbing my back. “It could go two ways: it gets blown out of proportion, or they accept it and move on.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” I nodded. “I want to, but I don’t. I want to be private, and I want to be able to do things with you and not have any implied pretense about it. But I want to be out there about us, so there aren’t the speculations.” I scratched my head. “If you think about it, this is your fault.”

“My fault?” He half smiled, knowing where this was going.

“If you didn’t kiss me that day, then this would be a nonissue. All your fault.”

He smirked. “If I’m not mistaken, the spread also included the one where you kissed me.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m still blaming you. So… what do we do?”

“Well,” he rolled his hips. I gasped. “Do we have to decide now?”

“Kinda. We have a joint interview in a couple days, and it’s you and me time tomorrow, no work.”

He thought for a minute or two. “We’ll have to deal with it at some point. Might as well do it now.” I nodded, smiling. “Now,” he again rolled his hips. “Can we start tomorrow early?”


	4. Animal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be advised, this chapter contains sexual content.

“Of course.” I breathed, leaning up and hungrily kissing him.

He gasped. He kissed me back, running his tongue over my lips, begging for entrance. I opened my mouth slightly, and bit his tongue. He gasped, and I drew blood, the tinny taste dripping onto my own tongue. The ounce of pleasure it brought me turned my insides, sent pangs of pleasure to my brain, to each of my individual muscles. A deep, guttural moan escaped my vocal chords. He took that opportunity to explore the cavernous insides of my mouth, running his tongue over the nooks and crannies, grooves and bumps. In tandem to that, he ran his hands over my covered back, running his fingers down my spine, enticing moans from me.

He gruffly rolled us over and straddled over my hips. “You’re mine, tonight.” He growled, ripping my shirt over my head. I moaned, reaching up to touch his sides, something I knew he loved, something that turned him on more than anything I did. Instead, he took my wrists in his one hand and held them above my head. “No touching. No touching at all.”

“Yes, sir.” I moaned.

He kissed down my chest, tightening his grip on my wrists. I moaned, rolling my head to the side. His lips moved onto my neck, sucking hard. His free hand moved to my enlarged member, rubbing it through my unsurprisingly too tight jeans. I let out a shriek of pleasure, arching my spine. It had been a while since he’d been this animalistic, biting, kissing, attacking me in any way. Continuing back on course, he kissed, occasionally bit, his way down my abdomen, stopping just above my jean line.

He looked up from there. “Feeling okay?” He asked, mischief in his eyes. I nodded, biting my lip, anticipating his next moves. If I was right, it would be like pleasure I had never felt before. Still looking at me, he released the beast from my jeans and boxers. He licked his lips and slid his tongue down the shaft, making me moan in immense pleasure, pleasure unlike anything else. He chuckled, placed kisses all along my shaft, ignoring the deep red head. He looked back up at me, mischief replaced with animalistic need. “Tell me what you want.”

“Anything,” I moaned, losing hold on reality and drifting into pleasure filled heaven.

“Ah ah.” He muttered, sitting back on his heels, hands on his hips. “Specifics or I stop now.”

I pushed myself onto my forearms. “What I really want you to do is fuck me. I strongly doubt you’ll jump right to that, though.”

“Very good.” Riku said, eyeing me up and down hungrily. If anything, it made me more attentive than previously. He licked his lips again before speaking. “On your knees.” I moaned loudly and flipped over.  He spread my knees apart further, dropping my hips lower to the mattress, giving me less wiggle room. My fists preemptively clenched tightly to the sheets on our bed. “You holding on?”

I nodded. “Yes si-!” Before I had the chance to finished, I screeched in pleasure. His thick, long, wet tongue slid into my tight ass, caressing my insides with soft warmth. His tongue darted in and out, slicking the way for him. I screamed in pleasure, arching my back in every way possible. It had to be the most pleasurable thing this side of the planet. My eyes rolled into my head, my grip lessened. I sunk to the bed, my ass high in the air.

He moaned loudly, licking around my loose hole. “Fuck, Sora. You taste so fucking amazing.” I moaned in response, unable to do anything else. His hands squeezed and hit my ass in time to his rapid tongue fucking.

My body shook with pre-orgasmic bliss. “Please, just…! Fuck, Riku!” I moaned, my voice muffled slightly from the mattress.

“Yes?” He asked, pulling away from my ass and instead thrusting three fingers deep inside me.

I screamed, my semen shooting out of me and splattering on the sheets. My body collapsed convulsing in extreme pleasure. I may have collapsed, but his fingers remained inside me, thrusting hard and deep, ensuring I rode out my whole orgasm and hardened again before the grand show. Gradually, my breathing slowed to a ragged pant.

“Get up, slut.” Riku said, the sound coming deep within him, yanking his fingers out of me. I moaned and heaved myself back up to my hands and knees. I heard him pull off his own jeans and boxers and spit in his hand. I moaned; that always turned me on, purely because of what followed. He spread my ass cheeks apart, and thrust in in one go.

We both moaned. My body immediately clenched around him, having been trained to do so. He pulled out slowly, slowly, slowly. He paused, his head inside me, pulsing with heat and pleasure. “Beg. Beg me to fuck you.”

“Please!” I screamed. “Please fuck me hard!”My body tightened more, arching up to him.

“Access granted.” He said nonchalantly and thrust in with all his power and speed, thus setting the pace. I threw my hips back to meet his, deepening his already deep thrusting. He moaned, pushing down on my back, collapsing my arms forwards. He held my wrists above my head, angling his thrusts forward, hitting my prostate straight on. I screamed, holding on as long as possible. We both knew we wouldn’t last much longer. “Together.” He whispered in my ear.

That was all it took. I came hard, screaming his name, mixing with him screaming my name. My ass tightened around him even more, sucking every last drop out of him.

A few last thrusts, he pulled out and we both collapsed onto the bed, panting heavily. I didn’t care that I was laying in a pile of my own semen. All that I felt was the pleasure Riku gave me; that sick, sweet pleasure.

I turned my face to his and smiled. “That… was amazing.” He nodded, his breath not caught up to him yet. He rolled his arm over the side of the bed and grabbed a towel. He handed it to me. “Thanks.” I breathed, rolling over, wiping off my stomach and now flaccid penis. I turned to him and did his as well, only succeeding in making him slightly hard again. “Not happening.” I smiled, carefully sitting up, wincing with every movement.

“We definitely can’t sleep on these sheets.” He chuckled, sitting up as well, luckily without pain. I nodded and gingerly stood. Expertly, he pulled the sheets off and tossed them in the hamper. He crossed to the closet and pulled out two duvets, one to cover the bed, another to cover us while we slept. I smiled tiredly at him and fell onto the bed. He flopped down beside me.

“I love you.” I smiled, kissing him lightly.

He wrapped his arms around me, his naked body pressing into me. “I love you too, Sorbear.”


	5. Mistakes

Riku, Melissa and I walked into the reception area for Fashionista magazine, my heart racing. Today was the day Riku and I were going to out ourselves, tell everyone that we were dating, agreeing to their belief. He seemed calm and collected, but I knew better than to think that about him; I knew he was freaking out as much as I was.

The three of us walked up to the receptionists desk. Melissa was the only one composed enough to speak. “My name is Melissa Draper. We have an interview scheduled for Sora Kirkpatrick and Riku Bellamy.”

The blonde receptionist typed into the computer in front of her. “With Courtney Martin. If you’ll have a seat, she’ll be right out.”

Melissa thanked her and we all took seats in the large reception room. “So, today’s the day, right?” Melissa muttered to me.

I breathed heavily, rasping. “Today is the day.”

“Just remember: be calm, don’t give it away before you they asked. I’ve sent ahead the no go zones and what you can’t talk about. Your sexuality wasn’t on there, so you know she’s going to jump on it.”

“Sora and Riku?” A tall brunette said, looking directly at us. We stood and followed her to a rather large corner office, the two external walls made entirely of glass. “Please, gentlemen, have a seat.” She hinted to the grey leather sectional. “Can I get either of you anything to drink?”

“Water, please.” I asked, a slight waver in my voice. I coughed in an attempt to gain some composure. Riku indicated for the same. She returned with two tall glasses of water. “Thank you.” I smiled, taking the glass from her.

“My pleasure. Do you mind if I record our interview?” She asked sweetly.

“By all means.” Riku smiled, responding while I had no ability to do so.

“Thank you.” She grabbed some papers off the coffee table and hit play on the recorder. “Alright, if you could give me your full names?”

“Riku Jonah Bellamy.”

“Sora Mason Kirkpatrick.”

“Favorite color?” She said, reading off her sheet.

I looked at her sideways. Odd question to ask. “Mine would have to be yellow.”

Riku gave her the same look. “Probably silver.”

She smiled, looking back down. “Speaking of silver, are your hair colors natural?”

I laughed, bumping into Riku. “His hair is enhanced. Usually it’s grey. Mine’s all natural.” I said with an unnecessary dramatic swoosh.

She smiled. “This one’s a fan question; we all know models are on strict diets, but what do you eat on Sundays for breakfast?”

“Eggs and bacon.” Riku mused, lost in the land of Sunday breakfasts.

I smiled. “Riku hates it, but it’s cereal day for me. The sugary the better.”

He rolled his eyes. “Sundays are a bit intense, and shooting is even more interesting.”

“Why would you say intense?” She asked, resting her stack of papers on the coffee table between us.

“He’s got a total sugar high, and a horrible crash.”

“Hold on, do you two live together?”

“Yeah.” I smiled. “Turned out to be more economical.”

She raised an eyebrow. “And how long have you two been living together?”

“About four years.” Riku smiled.

I could tell she didn’t believe it, but she let it go for the moment. It was going to come back.

She raised an eyebrow. “And how long have you two been living together?”

“About four years.” Riku smiled.

I could tell she didn’t believe it, but she let it go for the moment. It was going to come back. “Okay. Favorite photo shoot?”

“I did one back in '07, when I was 18, for Abercrombie and Fitch. Definitely my favorite.” Riku said, a slight smile on his face.

“And you, Sora?”

“Definitely the Sleeping Beauty shoot.”

Her eyes lit up. Bingo. “And why was that?”

“Well, I was new, it was my first photo shoot, and I was working with a world famous model.” I said, slight hesitation in my voice.

Riku rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t world famous.”

Courtney laughed, her eyes changing. “So how long have you two been together?”

I blinked, taken aback. “Sorry, what?”

She smiled slyly. “Two very attractive male models who aren’t related living together? You cant tell me that doesn’t mean anything. That, and there was obviously something going on when you two kissed in those two very heated photos.”

“The director told me to kiss him.” Riku shrugged. “That’s all I threw into it. But Sora, on the other hand…”

“Riku!” I said, my eyes growing wide.

She smiled. “So it is true. The great Sora and Riku are together.” She hinted, raising her eyebrow.

I breathed heavily. “Everyone can stop speculating. Yes, we’re together.”

She smiled. “And how long has it been official?”

Riku threw his arm around my shoulder and looked at me. “It’s been what, 3, 4 years?

I rolled my eyes. “It’s been 4 years and 8 months, you dolt.”

Courtney laughed. “So Riku, any plans to further commit to Sora?”

“Actually,” He smiled. “We’re getting married next year.”

“Do you want to see the ring?” I asked, my cheeks bright red. She nodded quickly. I pulled a chain from around my neck, exposing the solid silver ring with 10 diamonds imbedded in the sides.

She fingered the ring carefully. “Wow. That is beautiful. Looks expensive..”

“Three months salary.” Riku smirked.

“I’m definitely spoiled.” I smiled widely, tucking the ring back into my shirt.

She smiled. “How has your relationship affected your work ethic? I myself have seen a shift in attitude in both of your latest shoots.”

I laughed. “Actually, after we made it official, we came up with a little contest.”

“Which I hate.” Riku piped in.

“Which he hates. Really, in each of our shoots, we see how close we can get to being intimate with other models on set.”

“Sounds like a very interesting game.” She laughed.

“I think it is. How about you?” I asked, turning to him.

“Well,” He thought, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “I… It’s interesting. I’m a naturally very jealous person.”

“Mmm. I can definitely see why.” Courtney’s eyes flicked to me.

“Yeah. And it he has gotten pretty close.” He turned to me, his eyes sharp, digging into me.

I smirked. “You’re one to talk, Mr Let’s Grind Against Mr Sexy.”

“Sorry, what?” She laughed.

“Okay.” I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “We were doing a shoot for some company… American Eagle, and I was off set, taking a bit of a water break. The director was like, ‘get close! Come on, touch each other! Get into it!’ So Riku, being the forward guy he is, wraps his arms around this model from England and grinds into him.”

Riku started laughing, his hand covering his mouth. “I did do that, didn’t I?” I smacked him hard in the arm.

Courtney swooned. “You two are adorable. I can definitely see why you’re together. One last question; what can we hope to see from you in the nest little bit?”

I looked at Riku, seeing if he wanted to field that one. He shook his head, giving me the go ahead. “A couple days ago, we did a shoot for limehaus. We’ve got three coming up, one for HS, one for Club Monaco, and one for Simons. There will definitely be some surprises.” Riku and I shared a smile.

She smiled. “Alright. Thank you very much, gentlemen.”

We all stood. “Thank you so much.” I smiled, shaking her outstretched hand.

“Oh, it was my pleasure.” She smiled in return, shaking Riku’s hand. “I will make sure you get a copy of the article before it’s released.” She led us back to the lobby, a crooked smile on her face. “Have a great day.”

“Thanks, you too.” I smiled and waved. The three of us moved to the elevator, discussing how the interview went, most importantly the big reveal.

If I knew then what I knew now, I would have denied it. Coming out with Riku was a huge mistake.


	6. Fading Away

 “The article is in!” Melissa screamed in my ear.

I pulled the phone away from myself and rubbed my eyes. “And this couldn’t wait till later?”

She huffed. “It’s almost noon. You two should be up anyways. Anyways, I’m emailing it to you right now.”

I hung up the phone and rolled over, expecting Riku to be there drool running down his cheek, his hair an absolute mess. Surprisingly, he wasn’t there. I slid into some boxers and groggily walked into the kitchen. “Riku, the article-”

There was someone at my table.

He definitely wasn’t Riku.

His cold, black, piercing eyes bored into me, scanning me for weaknesses, places he could attack. The blackness of his wardrobe made the paleness of his skin almost as horrifying as his black eyes. He didn’t move at all, didn’t blink, didn’t flinch, didn’t appear to breathe. 

I couldn’t blink. I couldn’t look away. “Riku?” I called, wholeheartedly hoping I was dreaming.

“Yeah?”

“Um… Come here?”

“What is it?” I could hear the padding of his feet on the hardwood. He slung his arm around my shoulder, a cup of coffee in his hand.

“Who’s at the table?”

He looked at the table and raised an eyebrow. “There’s… No one there, Sor.” He spun me and looked directly into my eyes. There’s no way he didn’t see the fear. “Sora, are you feeling okay?” I nodded, glancing back. The man smiled, all teeth. I began to sweat, biting my lip.

Riku turned my face to look at him again, his own look growing even more concerned. “Sora, what’s going on?”

I glanced back. The man was gone. “N-nothing! It’s nothing. Excuse me.” I slipped into the washroom and splashed some water on my face. I looked down at my hands, at the water pooling in the sink. _Breathe, Sora. Breathe,_ I told myself. _No need to get worked up. You’ll only end up freaking out Riku._ I took a deep breath and turned around.

It took everything in me not to scream.

He was maybe a foot away from me, his black beady eyes staring me directly in the eyes. My heart rate quickened instantaneously, my breath caught in my throat. He leaned forward, showing me his teeth. “R-riku!”

His feet came running. “Sora!”

I turned the door knob and backed out of the room, my heart racing, my breathing coming quick and shallow. Riku’s arms wrapped around me and I screamed. “It’s me. Sora, it’s me, Riku. You’re okay.” I cried heavily, my face buried in his chest. He stroked my hair, cooing softly into my ear. “It’s okay, you’re okay. I’m here, I’m here.”

I raised my blotchy face to him. “I need to get out of here.”

He nodded and carried me into our bedroom and handed me clothes. I quickly changed into them. He dressed, grabbed his keys, led me by the hand down the three flights of stairs to the parking garage and into my seat in the passenger’s side. All the while I kept my head down, fear shaking me to the bone.

He got into the driver’s seat and started the ignition. “Where am I going?”

I shook my head, my eyes closed. “Anywhere… Just… Anywhere.”

He turned the keys and drove, somewhere in the direction of the highway. I curled up in my seat, feet pressed tightly to my chest, arms tight around them. I don’t remember ever being so scared. That incapacitating fear. That fear that gets you to your core. That fear that makes you feel like you’re fading away…


	7. Knots

I woke a few hours later, still cramped onto the car seat. Soft, mellow music played through the speakers, wrapping around me in a suffocating hug. My breath caught in my throat, resisting release or intake. I gasped, forcing the feeling to go away. A hand landed on my back and I jumped, pushing myself as close to the door of the vehicle as I could get.

“Sor, it’s me. Riku. You’re okay.” He said soothingly. Slowly I looked over my shoulder, hoping beyond all hope it was him.

The tightness in my throat vanished. “Where are we?”

His eyes focused on the steering wheel. “Highway. Are you fee-”

“I’m fine.” I stressed, shifting into a proper sitting position. “What time is it?”

“4:15. I’ve been driving for almost 4 hours. Every time I tried to stop, you’d scream.” He pulled over to the side of the deserted highway. “What’s going on, Sora?”

I looked out the window. “It’s… Nothing.”

He slammed his fist against the steering wheel. “It’s not nothing, Sora!” He threw the driver’s side door open and got out, hands on his head. He screamed in anguish.

Slowly, I followed him. “R… riku?”

He took a few steps and threw himself to the ground, head in his hands. “Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?” He whispered. “I thought you told me everything. I thought I could trust you.”

Tears slid down my cheek. That hurt more than anything I had ever experienced before. “Riku, please. I… I don’t know what’s going on. I promise I would tell you if I knew. Please don’t be mad at me.”

He turned and looked at me, his own eyes misty with tears. “Sora,” he said pathetically. I wrapped my arms around myself. He stood and moved over to me, wrapping his arms around me. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to yell at you.” He held me to his chest, my tears soaking his jacket, his tears falling into my hair. He pushed me away and held me at arms’ length. “You better?”

I nodded and smiled. “Thank you.”

He took my hand and walked back to the car. “Is it okay to go home?”

I started to shake my head, but I saw that look in his eyes: the ‘let’s get through this together’ look, and I nodded. “Y-yeah.” He smiled and we got in the car.

The hour and a half ride back was quiet, posing time for me to think. I was uneasy about going home, but I knew I needed to face him, whoever he was, head on. I needed to get to the bottom of this, untie this knot in my life.

My heart raced faster the closer we got to the apartment. My pulse raced, my breathing increased, my sweating increased. I was full out terrified; what if ‘he’ was still there? How could I promise Riku  everything was okay if I was still freaking out? I guessed I’d have to be tough, fight through the fear, whatever it was.

“Ready?” He asked, his hand on the door, hope on his face.

 _Nonononono!_ My mind screamed. _He’s still there! You can’t do it!_ “Shut up.” I muttered to myself, ignoring Riku’s worried glance. I took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah.”

He turned the knob and the door swung open. I half expected ‘him’ to be standing there, but much to my relief he wasn’t. I let out a deep sigh and stepped through the threshold.

“Better now?” Riku asked, following me.

I nodded, heading directly to our bedroom. “Much. Can you make dinner? I don’t think I could…”

“Yeah, sure.” He nodded, walking towards the kitchen. “I was thinking stir fry, since we’ve got the in-” His voice faded as I opened the door.

He was there, standing on the balcony. My eyes widened. My body froze as he smiled and walked to his left, off the edge of the balcony. My breathing was heavy as I slowly walked over to the glass sliding door. I took a deep breath in and looked out.

Nothing.

I breathed out and shut the curtains. Whatever this was, I needed to fix it. I needed to stop it. I needed to-

“Sora?” I whipped around, my eyes wide again. I sighed, smiling. “You okay?” Riku asked.

“Fine. Dinner almost done?”

He smiled, pulling a large bowl and two sets of chopsticks from behind his back.


	8. Socialite

 “Are you sure you want to go, Sor? We really don’t have to.” Riku asked, his eyes flicking from me to the road and back again.

From my episode earlier, he had reason to believe I wasn’t ready to go anywhere, be around anyone. I flashed a smile at him. “I promise you, Riku. I promise you I’m ready to do this. I’m okay.”

He smiled half heartedly. “We can go whenever. You know that, right?”

I rolled my eyes. “I know that. Trust me. I’ll tell you if… If I don’t feel good. If I feel like I did earlier.” I turned up the radio. I needed to stay positive; if I didn’t think about the… whatever that was earlier, than there was no way that it would happen again, at least not tonight.

Besides, this party had been planned months ago. Fashionista Magazine was turning 50, and we were the special guests; they had asked for us specifically. In all their years, we were by far the most photographed, most commented on, most talked about. And with our latest interview with them, it’s only good press to have ‘the gay couple of the modeling industry’ at your birthday party.

We pulled up to the venue, an old photography studio turned club that I’ve seen hold upwards of 400 people. Riku sighed, got out, and opened my door. “Ready.”

I smiled, standing and kissing him. “As I’ll ever be.” I took his hand, passed the valet the keys, and walked in like I owned the place.

The cameras started flashing, people started screaming. I plastered a smile on my face, lacing my fingers with Riku’s. I knew full out the article had only been released interoffice and to our agency, and not to the general public. That alone would drive the gossip pool up. We walked the long red carpet and smiled, giving little waves, signing a few autographs. At the end of the line that lead to the doors of the invite only party, Riku spun me into a deep dip and kissed me hard. I smiled, my head rushing from the flashing of the cameras and the screaming of fans and photographers alike. He pulled me up and, with a little wave, led me into the party.

“Well,” Melissa said, greeting us at the door, a drink in each hand for us. “That was some entrance.”

I couldn’t speak, my head still swimming, my face still beat red. Riku shrugged. “Eh. Give them something to tide them over until the article is released.”

Melissa smiled. “Fair enough. We’ve got reps and models from agencies worldwide, some private photographers and interviewers covering the event, some very important bloggers, some very important people,” I snorted. _Or people with a lot of money and no business being here._ “And of course, all of the employees of Fashionista. Have fun, be social, and, of course, be nice.” She said, the last directed at Melissa. His jaw locked into a forced smile. “Love you too. Have fun, gents!” She walked to a friend of hers, waving behind us.

I looked up at Riku, his jaw still locked. I rolled my eyes, pushed myself to my tiptoes, and kissed the firm line. “Relax. You’ll be fine. Stick with me.” I smiled.

“Sora?” I high pitched girl’s voice came from behind me.

I spun around. “Katelyn?”

“Hey!” She smiled, pulling me into a hug. “How are you? Oh my god, I haven’t seen you in years!”

I smiled, holding her at arms’ length. “I’m good. Where have you been? You look fantastic!”

“Excuse me.” Riku whispered in my ear, walking over to the open bar.

Katelyn watched him leave. She raised an eyebrow. “Who is he and tell me he isn’t gay or married.”

If my blush wasn’t already evident, it was now. “His name’s Riku, and he isn’t married yet.” I took a drink of the horribly overpriced champagne.

She looked at me, then at my ring finger, at him, and back at me. “Seriously? You’re gay?”

I rolled my eyes, dropping my tense shoulders. “We’ve been friends since what, preschool? You didn’t figure it out?”

“Well, I thought you would have told me. This is so going on my blog.” She pulled out a notepad, scribbled something down. She lifted the camera slung around her neck. “Photo of the two of you for the site?” She asked, the begging evident in her eyes.

I laughed. “Maybe later. When he’s a little more, shall we say, relaxed. I’m sorry, I need to give my congratulations to the editor in chief. I’ll see you in a bit.” We exchanged another hug and I moved through the crowd milling about, sharing hellos with important businessmen, employees, and bloggers alike, promising to talk to other models. In the crowd, a little girl sat, rocking back and forth, her eyes trained on me, pleading for help. I shook my head and continued on. _No, this isn’t happening. Ignore it._ I found the editor and stood in his peripheral, allowing him time to finish speaking to an interviewer.

“Roxas, it’s so great to see you!” Garrett Andrews smiled, hugging me.

“You as well. I just wanted to say congratulations for reaching 50 amazing years.” I smiled.

“And many to come!” He said loudly, clinking glasses with me and drinking. He swallowed hard, looking me up and down. “I read the article. I commend your bravery for confirming our suspicions.”

I brushed it off. “It was nothing. Riku and I figured we might as well share it now rather than get the backlash after we were married and no one had photographs of it to publish.”

Garrett laughed.  “And I hope we get the honor of shooting that day.”

“I will have Melissa pass along the date.”

“Wonderful. You know, I was talking to my wife the other day and we think it’s-” He continued on, but I lost focus. A man stood about 10 feet away from us, giant placards in his hand. _Sora,_ the first one said. He flipped through the next set. _You can’t ignore us. You know what will happen if you do. I don’t want to see you hurt like you were last time._ I glanced around carefully. The man pulled out a thick sharpie and wrote on another card. _No one can see me. It’s just you. Please Sora. Trust me._ And he vanished.

“Sora? Are you listening to me?” Garrett asked.

I blinked and looked up at him. “Yes, sorry. I’m very sorry, but I need to get some air. Do you mind if I…?” I hinted to the closed off patio.

“No, no, please.” He indicated to the door.

I smiled in forgiveness and nearly ran towards it. The cold air hit me like a wall, forcing the air from my lungs. I gasped, clutching onto a chair back. I closed my eyes tight. _Nonononono, not here. Not now. I can’t have a scene. I promised Riku._ I took a few deep breaths, steadying myself. I was going to be okay. I convinced myself it was exhaustion and stress, and that everything would be better in the morning. Feeling more confident, I turned and walked back into the party.

Riku was just inside the door, a worried look on his face. “Okay?”

I nodded, taking his hand in mine. “Okay.” I led him into the crowd of people. I was known for being a socialite. I wasn’t about to let a slight mental… whatever it was interfere with that.

The next few hours passed with few hitches. Riku and I talked to almost everyone at the party, posed for more than a few photographs, indulged in a few candid interviews. The man from earlier followed in my peripheral, the card that showed _Please, Sora. Trust me._ on it the only one I saw. The crying girl was with him, holding his hand. I brushed them out of my mind, remaining fully engaged in conversation. When my eyesight did slip slightly, Riku followed my gaze, every time asking what I was seeing. Each time I told him nothing, my eyes lingering on the spot a little longer than they should have.

Shortly after 12:30, we left the party, several business cards in pocket. We made our way past the fans and photographers again and got into the car.

“Well.” Riku said, pulling into late night traffic. “Thank god that’s over.”

I stared out the window. The man and girl were there, along with a large white dog, it’s tongue hanging out, it’s bright blue eyes shining in the light. The tension in it’s legs showed it’s want to run, but the man held it back. Riku tapped my arm. “Hmm?” I turned to him, slipping out of my shoes.

“Seriously, are you okay? What so you keep seeing?” He asked. “And put your damn shoes back on. Your feet are stinking up my car.”

“It’s noth-” He slammed on the brakes. I threw my hands onto the dashboard, stopping me from being thrown through the window. “What the hell?!” I shouted, completely shocked.

I eased back onto the gas. “Sora. Tell me. What are you seeing? I know something’s going on. I… I talked to Melissa about it.”

“You did WHAT?”

His hands flew off the wheel. “What else was I supposed to do? You wouldn’t tell me anything, and maybe she knew something I didn’t?”

I looked out the window. “I’ll book an appointment with someone in the morning.”

“For what, Sora? Why won’t you tell me?”

“Because I’m seeing things and I don’t want you to think I’m crazy.” I said matter of fact.

He rolled his eyes. “You didn’t need to tell me that. I could never think you were crazy. Never. Sora, I will always be here. You can tell me anything and expect an honest answer. Please, just… Just tell me what you saw and I will drop it completely until you want to tell me about it.”

I sighed. There was no getting out of it. “Earlier, it was a pale man dressed in black with black eyes. At the party, it was a little girl crying and rocking on the floor, and a man in a suit. As we were leaving, it was the man in the suit, the girl, and a white dog.”

“Thank you.”He said. I grunted and looked out the window.

When we got home, he slammed the door to the office and I crawled into bed. Tears eased me into sleep.


	9. Reality

 “Hi. Sora Kirkpatrick for Dr Norris.” I said uncomfortably, leaning slightly on the desk.

The receptionist looked up at me, her glasses resting on the end of her nose. “Are you a new patient of his?” She asked boredly. I nodded, uncomfortable. She handed me a clipboard. “Fill this out please. I’ll let him know you’re here. He’ll take it from you.”

Again, I nodded and sat. I really didn’t want to be here, filling out a new patient form for a psychologist. That was not how I had planned on spending my Friday afternoon. I sighed, reading over the first page. Legal mumbo-jumbo. Sign here, initial here. I breathed. First page done. The next page is where all the interesting stuff began, all of the questions of whether I was insane or not. Full name? Sora Mason Kirkpatrick. Parents, and other family members? Mum, dad, Erika, and Jacob. Pets? None. Occupation? Model. Highest level of education? University. Self supporting? Yes. Health insurance? All 90% of it. Reason for visit? I see people.

“Mr Kirkpatrick?” A deep voice startled me. I jerked my head up. A tall balding brunette stood before me. “I’m Dr Norris. If you’ll follow me?” He turned down a long hallway branched off from the reception area. I followed him, keeping my head down. Do you know what it meant for a model to be in a psychiatrist’s office? Three words. Anorexic or bulimic.

He led me into his office, an obscurely large room, one better suited to be a den, home library. He sat behind an overtly large oak desk and hinted for me to sit in an overstuffed chair in front of him. I did as directed and handed him my barely finished clipboard.

While he looked over my eight answered questions, I looked around his office. Overstuffed chairs. Large tables. Massive lamps. “Why is everything so big for one man?” The words left my mouth before I could stop them. Worry crossed my face. “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.” Out loud.

“It’s quite alright.” He said, showing no emotion. “Mr Kirkpatrick, could you explain to me why you’re here today?”

“As I wrote on the sheet, I see people.” I said slowly, digesting the words as I said them. “Well, not just people. Animals too.”

“Mhm.” He propped his chin on his thumbs, pointer fingers pressed to his lips. “Tell me more about these… things you see. When did they first start?” He said condescendingly. I could already tell that I would hate him.

“I guess they started yesterday.” I half smiled. I must have come across as one of those paranoid people. “I saw a pale man dressed in all black with black eyes in my kitchen. My fiancé said he couldn’t see him, and got worried. I went to the washroom, splash some water on my face. I turned around and he was in front of me, just a few inches from my face. I screamed and my fiancé dragged me out of our apartment and drove around for 4 hours. We went back and I saw him again on the balcony, but he walked out of view.”

He sighed, clearly bored of my seemingly hypochondriatic story. “Was that the only event?”

I shook my head. “We were at the 50th anniversary party for Fashionista Magazine, and I saw a little girl crying on the floor, and a man in a suit. The man had cards that he talked to me on. When we left, the man was holding the girl’s hand, and on his other side, there was a big white dog with bright blue eyes.”

He tapped his lips. “Do you remember what was written on the cards?”

“Something along the lines of ‘you can’t ignore us, or something bad will happen, like last time. Only you can see me, and you have to trust me.’” I shook slightly, the memory still scaring me.

He nodded. “Do you recall this ever happening before?”

“Not as far as I can think, no.” I shook my head. “I’m not crazy, am I?”

He cracked his first smile. “Crazy, no. But there is something going on here. Mr Kirkpatrick-”

“Call me Sora. Mr Kirkpatrick is my father.” I interrupted. I hated being called that.

He nodded. “Sora, could you tell me a little about your family history? What was it like growing up?”

I blinked, taken aback. That wasn’t something I’d thought of in, how long? “I guess it was pretty normal. My dad is a businessman, and my mum is a painter. I have an older brother, Jacob. He’s a lawyer. My sister, Erika, she’s still in school. Nothing out of the ordinary happened.”

“Mhm. And how far back is your earliest memory?”

I tilted my head to the side a little. “Why?”

“Curiosity.”

“I was four. I got a kitchen play set.”

“And the next memory?”

That one was a little more tricky. “Grade one. I would have been six, maybe seven. A group of boys were teasing me for having a pink shirt.”

He wrote quickly on a notepad as I recounted. “And nothing in between the two ages?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. Sorry.”

“That’s alright.” He nodded, jotting some more. “How old were you when you left your home?”

“About a month away from 18. I moved in with my now fiancé.”

“And your older brother? I assume he doesn’t live at home.”

“Yeah. 12 years ago. I was 9, he was 16.”

“And do you know why?”

All this rapid questioning was starting to give me a headache. “I don’t, no. Why are you asking me this?”

"I'm asking you these things to check for gaps, things I would like to investigate. What is your relationship like with your parents and siblings." He scratched his chin, eyeing me over.

"I don't really talk to my parents. They don't like that I'm gay and getting married. Jacob and I get along when we need to. I don't know why, but he's always been a bit hostile towards me. Erika and I get along really well, she's my younger sister."

"Mhm." He nodded, still writing. "Does anyone in your family have a mental disorder?"

I nodded. "Erika has ADHD. She's it."

"Tell me about your career. You're a model, yes?"

I nodded, smiling. "I absolutely love being a model. I've been doing it for about 7 years, since I was 14. Its been an amazing experience."

"What specifically do you love about modelling?"

"I love the money, meeting people from around the world, being known by everyone, forgetting everything and thinking solely about the story of the shoot."

He nodded and put his pen down. "Sora, the reality of the situation is you are having hallucinations, which I know you knew. I believe there I something else going on, either emotionally, mentally, or chemically. I wish we had more time today, but unfortunately we are out of time." He stood and stuck his hand out.

I stood and shook his hand, smiling. "Thank you very much for your time."

"You are very welcome." He took me back to the reception area. "Jenene will book another appointment for you. Have a great day."

"Thanks."


	10. Born

I walked in the door, threw the keys into the dish by the door, and flopped into the closest chair in the living room. My head fell into my hands and I heaved, like I was going to cry. I saw the flash of a camera and looked up.

Riku sat across from me, Nikon in hand. “How’d it go?” He asked.

“Why did you take a picture of me?”

He shrugged. “Because it was a beautiful shot. How’d it go?”

“I know what it’s like to be asked a million question you don’t know the answer to.”

He set the camera down and came over to kneel in front of me. “Tell me what happened.”

I sighed and laid back, running my hands through my hair. “Well, he asked me why I was there, and I told him. He looked at me like I was a hypochondriac. Then he asked me about my family.”

“You hate talking about them.” He interrupted.

“Exactly.” I said, nodding. “Then he asked why I liked modeling so much. And then he said that there were some issues he wanted to talk about later, and I made another appointment with him next week.”

Riku stroked my knee the whole way through. “That doesn’t seem too bad.”

I shrugged, standing and moving to the kitchen. “No, not if you don’t mind talking about your family, who’s somewhat dysfunctional.”

He followed me and leaned against the door frame. “So what do you think?”

“I think that-” I turned and froze.

The man in the suit was back, that pleading look in his eyes. “Please, Sora. Believe me. Trust me.”

“I believe you. I do.” I said, staring him directly in the eyes. “I just don’t trust you.”

“Sora?” Riku asked, tilting his head into my path of sight.

I blinked. “Sorry, what?”

“You were… You weren’t talking to me… Who…?” He asked cautiously.

My eyes darted behind him. “Sorry.” The man whispered. “I’ll be in the bedroom.”

I looked back at Riku. “Sorry. Must be losing my mind. Excuse me.” I slipped past him before he could stop me and ran to our bedroom. I shut the door and the man was there. “What the hell was that?!”

He smiled sheepishly. “I wasn’t expecting you to respond. And honestly, I didn’t know I could talk.”

I shook my head. “Who do you think you are, anyways?”

He bowed. “My name is Malakai. There are things you need to know, but I don’t think you’re ready to hear them.”

“You’re damn wrong about that!” I shouted.

“Keep your voice down.” Malakai said harshly. “Maybe we should go outside.”

I shoved passed him and out to the balcony. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“Sora, there have been… Events in your life that have contributed to us being here. You were also born with a disorder that initially brought us. Don’t be concerned. This will all be sorted out with Dr Norris’ assistance.”

I watched him talk, and he became more and more real to me. I tried very hard to convince myself against it. _He’s not real. None of this is real. It’s your mind fucking with you._ I turned and took a deep breath, my eyes closed. “Tell me what to do.”

I could feel his eyes on me. “Sora, I don’t know. This has been somewhat of an issue since you were born. If I knew what the thing to do was, I certainly would have told you.” He looked behind him. “Riku’s inside. I will talk to you later.”

I nodded and turned. Riku was indeed standing in our room, wine glasses in each hand, a half smile on face. I walked towards him, apology in my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

He handed me a glass. “It doesn’t matter. Not right now at least.” He took me by the arm and led me to the kitchen. “Instead, let’s ignore whatever this is and enjoy dinner.”

I smiled. The table was set and lit by candle. “You made my favorite.”

He smiled and nodded. “I did.” He kissed my cheek and led me to the table. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Riku.”


	11. Roses

 “Up you get, Sora.”

“Five more minutes.” I groaned and rolled over, ignoring Riku’s insistent poking and prodding. It had been a late night; I didn’t want it to be an early morning too.

“Sora, we’ve got a shoot in an hour.” Riku rested a frozen hand on my bare back.

I arched back, wide awake. “Jesus, Riku! What the hell was that?!” I said, glaring at him.

He shrugged and pointed to the clock. “We’ve got to go in 15.”

I nodded, stood and stretched, my back cracking in several spots. Yawning, I dragged my sorry ass to the washroom, thanking the gods that I didn’t have to do anything with my hair. I brushed my teeth, scrubbed the nightly layer of grime off my face, and shaved the faint shadow of hair from my neck and jaw. I never was one for facial hair. It always looked so dirty. Any hair I grow is blonde, and, thankfully, any hair Riku tries to grow is splotchy at best.

I picked a hoodie, clean boxers, and a pair of jeans off the bathroom floor and threw them on. “Riku!” I called, halfway out the door. “Ready to go?”

“Yep.” His head popped out of the doorway to our room. “Oh, Sora?” I turned back to him. “You feeling okay today?”

I smiled, picking up the keys to the car. “I feel so much better. Hurry up. I want coffee before we shoot.” I headed down to the parkade to start the car. As per usual, the lot was empty; our building held a lot of business men and women who were quite frequently out the door by eight every day. My footsteps echoed off the cement around me. I glanced over my shoulder frequently; I could feel someone trailing me, and I knew it wasn’t Riku, since he would have said something. I quickly got in the car, and breathed a sigh of relief.

“Sora? I’m scared.”

I whipped my head around to the passenger’s side seat. It was the crying girl. I took a deep breath in, trying to relax. “Why are you scared?”

“The man in black scares me.” She said, her teary eyes locked on me.

I glanced in the rearview mirror. Riku was coming. “And why’s that, sweetheart?” She shrugged curling into a little ball on the seat. “I’m sorry, but I need to get going, with Riku. Do you think you’ll be safe with Malakai?” I asked, seeing Riku approaching faster.

“But Sora…” She begged, her eyes wide.

I looked out her window, seeing him not far. I pointed to him. “Look, he’s just over there. You’ll be safe with him, and I promise we can talk later.” She bit her lip, nodded, and got out of the car. I exhaled deeply and leaned my head against the headrest. _This needs to stop happening._

“Sora? Ready to go?” Riku asked, getting into the passenger seat. I smiled to him and drove.

…

“Boys, you’re late.” Melissa said, clearly pissed off, meeting us at the front door. “Hair and makeup wants you in two minutes, and on set in ten. Go!” She shoved us towards our respective areas.

I half smiled to Riku. “See you on set.” I was pulled along by a stylist, yelling at in French for not being on time. The stylist forced me into one of Vera Wang’s new dresses and pushed me off to hair and makeup. Dressing as a woman was something I did frequently as my looks were quite feminine: round face, big blue eyes, narrow hips, flat chest yet easy enough to build into breasts.

Before I left the room, I was handed a bouquet of roses. “I’m not getting married, am I?” I asked the man who handed me the bouquet.

He laughed. “Not as far as I know. But I’m the water boy, what do I know?” He laughed, leading me to set.

The set was out back of the building, the brick walls as the backdrop. Riku and another man were in suits and already on set, taking a few preemptive shots. I smiled, already turning red. Seeing him in a suit, me in a dress, as if we were actually getting married… It was something I’d been dreaming of essentially since I’d first seen a picture of him.

“Sora!” The photographer smiled, forcing my hand into his. “My name is Daellin Scott. It is quite a pleasure to meet you. For this shoot, I need you and Riku to play up the dating aspect. It’s so nice that you two finally came out.” He rushed, pulling me over to the set. “So, act natural. Walk past them a few times, flirt, play your game. Men, you know what to do.”

I smiled at Riku and approached the other man. “Hi, I’m Sora.”

He bowed. “My name is Rhett. The pleasure is all mine.” He took my hand and kissed it. The flash went off. I smiled. He was already acting.

As instructed, I walked past and interacted with them both, moreso with Rhett, just to see what Riku would do. By the 20 camera flash, the red was flaring up from the collar of his shirt. I chuckled, acting coy.

“Well done, everyone. Thank you, Rhett. Sora, could we get you in the next dress please? Riku, next suit please.” Daellin asked, putting his camera down slightly.

Rhett bowed again, shook Riku’s hand and kissed mine again, the camera flashing. “It’s been a pleasure working with you two. I do hope we work together again.” He casually walked off the set.

Riku and I followed him off, our hands clasped together. “You look very cute.” He whispered in my ear and kissed my cheek. He pulled away and we walked to our separate rooms. They put me in the next dress, my cheeks still flushed deep red. Me? Cute? In a dress? I was taken to hair and makeup again for touch ups, and I was given yet another bunch of roses. I was led back on set.

Riku saw me and his eyes lit up, the widest smile on his face. I blushed, walking easily in the dress and heels. I reached him and he slid his arm around my waist kissing my cheek.

The camera flashed and Daellin spoke. “I would really like your relationship played up in these shots. This is your first shoot since coming out. Make it count.” And did we ever. We hugged, kissed, played cute for the camera. I was blushing in pretty well every shot; Riku had that affect on me. “Yes, boys, yes!” Daellin shouted, clicking wildly.

After the shoot, Riku and I went back and changed into our street clothes. My feet ached; I really have no idea how women wear heels all day. I met him back on set near the photo booth. Daellin showed us some of the shots, just so we would have an idea what we’d see in the spread. Of course, the best were the ones with just Riku and I, but there were more than a few good ones with Rhett as well.

“What do you think of this one?” Daellin asked, sliding a picture on the screen.

I gasped. “I love it.” Riku had taken one of the roses and was in the process of slipping it behind my ear. My eyes were downcast, that blush painted on my cheeks. “That has to be the best picture we’ve taken together, Riku.” He nodded, wrapping his arm around me, and kissed my temple.

“Tell you what.” Daellin smiled. “Let me get you a copy of that. Congratulations. Consider this an early wedding gift.”

I smiled and Riku spoke. “Thank you so much.” He waved it off. We said our goodbyes and went to lunch, chatting about the shoot, the photographer, the location. We drove home, planning the events for our evening.

“I can’t believe you said that!” I laughed, smacking Riku’s arm.

He raised his eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

I stopped, leaning against the wall, my chest heaving in laughter. “You don’t stop someone on the street and tell them that they look trashy!”

He laughed as well. “But she did!” He unlocked the door the door and gasped.

I immediately stopped laughing. “What?” He smiled and moved out of the way.

A chair had been moved to face the front door, and a framed copy of the photo was perched on it, a bouquet of roses laid in front of it.


	12. Winners and Losers

I quietly picked the keys out of the door side dish, left Riku a note, and walked out the door. I had scheduled my appointment with Dr Norris in the early morning; that way, I was less likely to be seen by fans or paparazzi. As always, the businessmen and women had already left and I was the only one in the parkade. So I thought.

“Oi! You there!” Someone yelled from the shadows. I stopped, frozen in my place. _Please let this be just another hallucination._ The footsteps approached from every direction, the original sound echoing around the small cement area. A woman came into view, standing a foot or so back from me. “I was talking to you.”

“S-sorry, ma’am.” I said, still frozen. “How can I help you?”

“You’re that Sora Kirkpatrick, aren’t you?” She asked, crossing her arms. I nodded. _Definitely not a hallucination._ She smiled crookedly. “I saw the article about you and Riku. Very… Adorable.”She thought for a moment, the gears turning in her mind. “I know all about you and those things you see. And let me tell you, I have half a mind of going to the media. Unless you do something for me.”

I panicked. How could she know? I thought I hid it well! Unless she heard me screaming that first day… Or she saw me the other day, talking to the girl in the car. But I needed to know for sure. “How do you know? Who are you?”

She smirked. “Who I am isn’t relevant, nor is how I know. To keep your secret under wraps, you need to do one thing for me.”

I bit my lip. This could go several ways, more than a few in places I really didn’t want them to. “What is it?”

“You have to break up with Riku, recount your story. No one wants a gay boy plastered around the city.” She smiled more easily than before.

“And… And if I don’t?”

She took a step closer. I could smell the garlic and whiskey on her breath. “Then I tell. And your fame, fortune, and everything you’ve worked for will be gone.” She uncrossed her arms and poked a finger into my chest. “There are two kinds of people in this world, Sora Kirkpatrick. There are winners, and there are losers. I will be the winner, and you the loser.” She backed up and started to walk away. “Oh,” She stopped, spinning on her heels. “You have a week to comply. Tell anyone, and I tell the press sooner. Have fun at your psychiatrist’s appointment.” She smiled and blew me a kiss.

Long after she was gone, I was still frozen. _I know all about you and those things you see. Break up with Riku, Recount your story._ I shivered, fear gutting me to the core. She knew, and I did nothing to deny it. Unfreezing, I walked to my car and got in the driver’s seat unblinking.

“Sora?”

I whipped my head around and exhaled deeply. “Jesus Christ, Malakai. You scared the shit out of me.”

“I’m sorry. You look upset. What happened?”

I started the car. “It’s… Nothing.”

“Sora, you know I’m a hallucination. You can tell me anything without consequence.”

I pulled out of the stall, and the parkade, driving towards Dr Norris’ office. “I know, but I can’t. It’s nothing.” I pulled up to a red light and tilted my head back, closing my eyes briefly, thinking. This was all so bizarre, and I couldn’t tell anyone about it. No one could know. I heard a loud bark in my ear and jumped, spinning my head around. The white dog with blue eyes was in the back seat, her head not an inch from mine. The car behind me honked and I shot forward, the car jumping slightly. “What is going on?!” I asked more to myself than anyone.

“Her name is Adilet; she’s been your guardian since you were very little. She knows better than anyone else when something is wrong, causing you stress. Tell me, Sora. Let me help you.” Malakai begged, petting her head.

I sighed. There couldn’t be any harm in telling him. I mean, he was just a hallucination. “A woman approached me and told me to break up with Riku and recount the article, otherwise she would go public about my, uh, you guys.”

He nodded, petting her still. “And she said she would talk if you told anyone?” I nodded. “Sora, I need you to understand this has happened before. This isn’t new.”

My eyes widened. “What do you mean this has happened before?”

He sighed. “A man once came up to you and recited the same threat. We took care of it, and you forgot. We made you forget.”

I drove into the bare parking lot. “So what do I do?”

“I don’t know.”

I turned off the car. And sat for a minute. “I have a week. I’ll think of something without breaking up with him.” I opened the my door and got out. “Winners and losers. I have to win.”


	13. Lies

It had been four day since the lady from the parkade had told me her conditions for me. Break up with Riku, or have everyone know about my hallucinations. I didn’t want anyone to know about my issue, and I definitely didn’t want to break up with Riku. Malakai hadn’t been much help, other than saying ‘let me deal with this.’ He’s a hallucination. What’s he supposed to do to help? Shoot her with a fake gun?

I sighed, tossed my new antipsychotic drug cocktail down my mouth and followed it with a swig of juice. As far as I saw it, I had two options: break up with Riku, or stall, find out who that lady was and threaten the risk of exposure. But maybe there was a way I could do both…

Our office was the one room in the apartment with a lock on it. I have no idea why, and the reason for it has never been shared with me, but it would provide the sanctuary I needed. I locked the door behind me, sat in the chair, and pulled out a pen and paper.

> _Riku,_
> 
> _Every day of the last 5 years has been amazing. But there’s some things I need to do for myself, things I can’t be with you during. I’m asking you if we can take a break, stop being us for a bit. I love every ounce of you, but I can’t be around you right now._
> 
> _This definitely wasn’t an easy decision, a decision made on a whim, and trust me when I say I really don’t want to do this. But the only way I can make things better is to be on my own for a bit._
> 
> _I’ll be staying at Elijah and Erica’s. I’m so sorry. I love you, I do._
> 
> _Sora_

I folded the sheet of paper and slid it into an envelope. I had never lied to Riku before, and I was pretty sure I didn’t like it. Sighing, I stood, unlocked the door, and went to our room to pack.

“What are you doing?” Malakai asked, sitting in one of the corner chairs.

“I’m… Breaking up with Riku.” I said, not convincing enough to make myself believe me.

He crossed his arms. “It would be better to do it in person, rather than when he’s having a meeting with Melissa. You know he’d want you to say it.” He looked me over as I packed a few things. “Unless you aren’t breaking up with him?”

I looked at him, eyes open wide. _I’m not really breaking up with him,_ I thought loudly, hoping he would know by transference.

He smiled. “You cheeky monkey. I knew you had a plan. So what is it?” He asked, sitting beside my bag on the bed.

“I’m staying at Elijah and Erica’s until I get myself sorted somewhere else. And I’ll have to contact Fashionista and have the article recounted.” I said, biting my lip.

“You know there’s a lot riding on this, right?” He stood in front of me. I barely moved my head in a nod. He breathed deeply. “I really hope this works.”

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed Erica’s number. She answered on the third ring. “Erica? It’s Sora.”

“Sora! My favorite cousin! How are you?” She said excitedly.

I bit my lip. “Can I come stay with you and Elijah for a bit? I’m… I’m breaking up with Riku.”

She gasped. “What?! Why?”

“It doesn’t matter. Can I?”

There was a long pause before she responded. “Yeah, of course. You know I would never turn down family.”

I smiled, not that she could see it. “Thank you so much. I’ll be over in 20 minutes.” I hung up the phone, picked up my small bag and headed to the door. I took a deep breath and walked out. _Stay calm, Sora. You know this isn’t real,_ I thought to myself. I taped the envelope to the door and headed to the parkade.

As I was loading my bag in and searching for a map in my trunk, I heard heels approaching me. “Hello Sora.”

I spun. The lady was back. “I broke up with him.”

“I saw.” She smiled. “And the article?”

I nodded. “As soon as I get to Erica’s, I’ll call my agent. She’ll file the recount.”

“Good. Very good.” She turned to walk away, but spun back. “Don’t think this is over with just you breaking up and recounting the article. I can and will tell the press at any point. Have a good day.” She smiled sweetly and walked away. Shuddering, I got in the car and drove away.

_…_

I knocked on the door of the upscale townhouse, glancing over my shoulder every few seconds. The last time I had been here, I was surprised by an ambush of paparazzi. The door was opened and I rushed in, closing it behind me. I looked up and smiled. “Hi Erica.”

She hugged me tightly. “What happened with Riku?”

I set my bag down and poked my head in the living room. “Where’s Elijah?”

“In the basement. Sora?” She asked after me, already half way down the stairs.

Elijah, Erica’s live in boyfriend was in the basement office. I rushed in and pulled the phone line out of the wall. “What the hell?” He asked, bewildered anger in his eyes.

“I need you to track a pin.” I said quickly.

He looked at me, disbelief in his eyes. “A pin?”

“Yes, a pin. Come on, I know you can do it.”

Erica came into the office. “Sora, tell me what this is about.”

I waved her off. “Please just do it.” Elijah spun around in his desk, cracked his fingers, and pulled up a program. “The number is 843268150019.” He punched it in the search bar, and not thirty seconds later, a little green dot appeared on the map. I smiled. “Where is it?”

Elijah punched some more keys and a pop up appeared with a ding. “6849 Anderson Court. Home of… Captain and Mrs Jordan Gozinski-Bruenard.”

“Wife’s name?” I asked, scribbling on a piece of paper.

“Kelsey.”

“Thank you so much. Can you run record checks on them?”

Elijah nodded slowly. “I could. You know this is misuse of government software and I could lose my job, right?”

“I know.” I smiled. “But I also know you love doing it.”

He rolled his eyes and pulled up another window. I walked out of the office, dialing a number. “Melissa?”

“Sora? I just got a call from Riku. He said-”

“I need you to meet me. Coffee house by the gazebo.” I said and hung up. I popped my head back in the door. “Erica? Can I borrow your car?”

…

Five minutes later, I was in the coffee house, waiting for my faithful agent, a cup of coffee in my hand, a newspaper on the table in front of me. The newspaper had gotten hold of my article and reposted it. Hm. Weird.

“Sora.” Melissa sat across from me, completely out of breath. “Did you seriously break up with Riku?”

“Yes.”

Her eyes widened in anger. “Why?”

I shrugged. “There are things I need to work out. It’s temporary.” She opened her mouth, but I cut her off. “Anyways, I need you to recount the article. The one where we outed ourselves.” I slid a piece of paper to her. “Here’s what I was thinking it could say. Be sure to really read it before sending it.” I insisted. “It’s my fifth draft, so I hope it’s good.” I emphasized the ‘fifth’ a little more than I had to, but I needed her to get it.

And by the looks of it, she did. “Okay. I… I’m not happy about this.”

I shrugged. “I know. But it needs to be done.” I stood. “I’ll see you around.” She let me leave without protest.

I need to stop lying to people. There are few things worse in the world than lies, and here I was, lying to my agent, family, and most of all, my potentially ex fiancé. Hopefully this would pay off.


	14. Powerless

I pulled the door open and ran inside, my heart pounding. I slid down the door, my heart racing. She was behind me the whole time, on foot or in vehicle. Erica came down the stairs, her eyes demanding an explanation.

“Not now.” I said, looking out the window beside the door. She was still there. “No no no no no.” I looked around. “How secure is your basement?”

“No windows, only the one phone line.” She looked at me, not even bothering to hide her curiosity.

I ran down the stairs, back into the office, Erica right behind me. “Wait, wait. Phones, where are they? And anything else that can listen.” I took all the devices out of the room, to the top of the stairs. I came back and sat down, my head in my hands.

“Sora, what the fuck is going on?” Elijah asked, clearly pissed off I took his stuff away.

“I’m not paranoid.” I looked up. Both of them looked ready to disagree. “Please, just hear me out. That woman, whatever her name is, is stalking me. I know, it sounds insane, but I know she is. She told me she would tell the media… Things they don’t need to know unless I broke up with Riku and recounted the article where we came out.”

They exchanged looks. “Sora, she-”

“Please,” I begged. “Believe me. This is real, this is happening.” I took a deep breath, really not wanting to hear what they were going to say.

“Sora, she…” Elijah started. He looked to Erica, and continued. “Kelsey Gozinski-Bruenard is dead.”

My heart stopped. “What?”

“She’s dead, Sora. Has been for five years now.” Erica said nonchalantly. “What’s going on?”

“No no no no no… This can’t be happening, this can’t be real.” I stood, pacing the small room. “You’re lying. I know it.” I pointed at them. “I know if I go upstairs she will be there. I know it.” I stomped up the stairs, ignoring their cries of disbelief. I looked out the window.

She was gone.

“No… No…” I shook my head. “This is wrong, this is so wrong.” I opened the door and walked around the house. Nothing. “Malakai!” I shouted.

He appeared around the corner. “Sora.”

I walked over to him and picked him up by his collar, pushing him to the wall. “What the fuck is this?!” I shouted in his face.

He bit his lip, knocking his head slightly to each side. “She used to stalk you, threatened to out you unless you did things for her. When she died, any memory of her was erased from your mind. You’ve realized something big about yourself, so she’s back.” He said, refusing to meet my eyes.

“So you let me break up with Riku over some dead woman I thought was stalking me?!” I yelled in his face.

“Jesus, Sora! I’m sorry!” He yelled back.

“Sora?” Erica said, her head peaking around the corner. I looked back to the wall. Malakai was gone.  I turned and ran.

Malakai’s words repeated over and over in my head, refusing to be drowned out by my heart pounding in my chest. I was angry; why didn’t he tell me? I was upset; why didn’t I notice? I was powerless; how do I fix this? He was probably doing it to protect me. I probably didn’t notice because, well, how would I? I have no idea. I could go back and apologize to Riku, maybe he’d take me back. I didn’t know. All I could do was run. Run and hope the powerless feeling went away.


	15. Cold

_Riku, please. I’m so sorry. Let me explain to you what happened. I promise I’ll get help. I know I need it._

_I love you so much. Please, talk to me. I miss you._

_Baby, I know I hurt you. I know I don’t deserve your apology, but please hear me out. I want to make things right again._

_Why won’t you talk to me?_

_Riku?_

_Baby?_

_Please._

I sat in the bus shelter, rain pounding the sides and roof. My clothes were soaked to the core, chills running up my spine. I held my phone in my hands, the rest of my body shaking, begging for Riku to respond. A tear slid out the corner of my eye. “Please.”

_Sora? What’s going on?_

_Can you come get me?_

_Sure. Where are you?_

_72 nd and Crocus._

_I’m right around the corner._

Not a minute later, Melissa’s mini cooper pulled up to the bus stop. I ran over and hopped in the car, shivering to the core. She pulled away from the curb, the only sound the heater. “So what happened? Why did you break up with him?”

I bit my lip. “I… I have something to tell you. I… I’m seeing a psychiatrist.”

Her hands clenched around the wheel. “I know that. Riku told me and you filed the claim. I don’t know why though, and I’m assuming that the reason is connected to why you broke up with Riku.” She pulled up to a red light and looked at me.

Malakai walked in front of the car, mouthing _don’t do this._ I shook my head. No. I had to. “I… I’ve got hallucinations. It started the day of Fashionista’s anniversary.”

I refused to meet her eyes, but the feeling of hers staring into my head was intense. “Why does that mean you have to break up with Riku?”

“One of my hallucinations was… She was blackmailing me. She said she’d tell about the hallucinating unless I broke up with Riku and recounted the story. Elijah did a search for me while we were meeting and found out.” I looked out the window, startled by the man in black, his hood down, Alidet by his side and licking his fingers. “I never intended on actually breaking up with Riku; it was to fool her.”

“But she’s not real.” Melissa nodded, her hands strangling the wheel.

“Exactly.” I said, turning to look at the side of her head. “How is he?”

“Well…” She started, turning the corner. “He’s pissed. But I’ll let you take that up with him.” I nodded solemnly. She stopped the car, back at my apartment faster than I thought we would be. “Go apologize. I’ll rip up the recount. Call me.”

I nodded, half-smiling. “Thank you so much.”

She nodded. “No problem. Good luck.”

I shut the door and rushed to the door, digging in my pockets for the keys. “Fuck.” I muttered. I left my keys in my bag back at Erica’s. I pressed the button for our apartment and bounced between my feet, attempting to keep warm.

“Hello?” Riku’s disembodied voice rang out around me.

“Please let me in. It’s cold, and I’m soaked.”

“Sora.”

“Riku, please. I’m sorry. I’ll explain everything.” I begged, hoping he’d at least let me in to warm up before telling me to never come back. There was silence for a few minutes. Then the characteristic _bzzz!_ filled the archway. I pulled the door open and ran up the two flights of stairs to our door. I knocked, turning the doorknob. “Riku?”

“You better explain.” Riku said, sitting in a chair in the living room.

I peeled my soaked hoodie over my head, pulled a blanket off a chair, wrapped it around me and sat on the floor in front of him. “I hallucinated a dead woman who said she would tell the press about my hallucinations if I didn’t break up with you and recount the article. I believed her. It was stupid and irrational. I know if anything like that got out Mel would stop it, it wouldn’t be published even if they did believe her assuming she was alive. My plan was to pretend to break up with you-” Malakai and the little girl walked out of the kitchen into the living room, Malakai sitting in a chair beside him, the girl sitting on her lap. I kept my eye on them, my apology applying to them as well. “Pretend to break up with you and find out who she was, stop her myself if I could. I am so sorry. You didn’t deserve that. I should have listened.” I said, my eyes flashing over to Malakai. “I’m going to book an appointment with Dr Norris. I need to get to the bottom of this so this doesn’t happen again. I love you so much Riku; I would never break up with you. I couldn’t. You mean way too much to me.” I started to tear up. “I love you. Please forgive me. I’ll leave if you want me to, but I just needed you to know that. I love you. Always have, and always will. You are the most amazing person I know, and I don’t know what I would do without you. I need you. I can’t do this alone.” I hung my head, silent, solid tears sliding down my cheeks. The little girl approached and wrapped her arm around me. I slouched into it, her warmth, albeit not real, felt comforting. I looked up. “Please say something. Anything.”

Riku slid his hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. “I’m not going to lie. I was pissed off at you. I was scared. I was worried.” I nodded, dropping my head. _Here it is. He’s going to tell me to go._ “I… I forgive you, Sor.”

I raised my head. “Really?”

He nodded. “You couldn’t have known better. I love you, and I’m not letting your hallucinations get in the way of that.” He shifted in his seat, visibly uncomfortable. “I want to know what’s going on with you. I want to help you. I will help you. I will be here for whatever you need.”

I smiled. The girl retreated back to Malakai’s lap. I smiled at them. “Can I have a shower? I’m freezing.”


	16. Attitude

"So, Sora. Tell me what has been going on." Dr Norris said, pen poised over the pad of paper in front of me. I recounted the story to him, from the coming out in the interview to the apology to Riku. He wrote down the events, probably so he could refer to them later. "And how have you been  on your medication? Do you think this event may be somewhat at fault by the medication?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so. I mean, I would say yes if it had started after I started the medication. But it happened before my last appointment with you. It just doesn't make sense."

He nodded, writing down my response. He set the pen down and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "What are you hoping to get from our sessions? You mentioned that you wanted to get better. Better how?"

"Uh…" I thought for a minute. What was I hoping for? How did I want to get better? What did I want to get better? "I want to be able to control my hallucinations. I don't want something like that to happen again, where I'm completely on my own and I don't know what to do. I want to know… I want to know why I hallucinate. Malakai, the man in the suit said that he'd been there since I was born, but then something happened when I was younger, too. I want to know what that was."

"That's a tall order." He said, looking at me sternly. "You have to promise me that you will do what I ask, no matter how hard it may seem, no matter how much you want to quit. You have to promise me that you'll be completely honest with me."

I nodded. "I've got a new attitude. I'm ready to figure this out. I'm more ready than I ever have been."

He smiled. "Good." He did a quick reread of his notes. "I have a few ideas I would like to try with you. How do you feel about hypnosis?"

"I'm skeptical."

He nodded. "That's understandable. Would you be willing to try it?"

"I guess, yeah. Yes." I nodded. I'll try anything once.

"Good." He wrote that down. "I would like to talk to you about coping techniques that can help you determine what's real and what's not." I nodded. "In our first meeting, I asked you several questions about your family. You became agitated rather quickly. I will at some point need to discuss them further with you, potentially talk to them."

My eyes widened. "Why would you need to talk to them?"

"Precautionary. Perhaps they know something of your past that you've forgotten, pushed to the back of your mind." He suggested. I nodded. That made sense: talk to the people who've known me longest. "As well, I would like to talk to your fiancé. I think it's only fair that he knows what we'll be discussing, and I can share the coping techniques with him, so he can help you when things are starting to look bleak." I nodded. "Is this all okay with you?"

I nodded. "Of course. I'll do whatever I can to make this better for myself and the people around me."

He smiled. A true, genuine smile. "Very good, Sora. Do you have a goal set in mind?"

"My wedding in the fall." I nodded, smiling.

"That's… Ten months from now?" He asked, looking over his glasses. I nodded. "That is a good time to shoot for. I just want to let you know that there is no guarantee that this will all be solved for your wedding."

I nodded. "I know. It's just a goal, right?"

"Very good." He smiled. "We still have some time left. Do you think you could tell me about your hallucinations?"

"Sure." I smiled. "There's Malakai. He's about 23. He's always in a suit. Him and I communicate a lot."

"How do you communicate?"

"We talk." I nodded. "There's the little girl. I don't know what her name is. She's 11, maybe 12. She's almost always crying and she's scared of the man in black. I don't know what his name is either. He's the first hallucination I recognizably saw. Malakai says him and I have crossed paths more than a few times. The man in black is in his mid to late twenties, and he only ever wears black. And then there's the dog, Adilet. She's a big white dog, with blue eyes. I think she's a Siberian. Malakai says she's been with me since I was born."

Dr Norris nodded, writing notes as I spoke. "Are any of the here now?"

I nodded. "Adilet is sitting at my feet, panting. Malakai is at the window, looking out. The little girl is sitting in your desk chair, touching things and moving them around. The man in black is staring at you from that chair." I pointed at a chair beside his office door.

He appeared shocked. "Are they always with you?"

"Not usually." I thought. "Usually it's just Malakai. He's always close by."

"Damned straights I am." He said to the window. I laughed.

Dr Norris looked at me. "What's so funny?"

"Malakai just said 'damned straights I am.' I'm sorry." I smiled sheepishly.

"It's quite alright." He glanced at his clock. "Alright, we are out of time for this week. When next would you be able to come in?"

I shook my head. "Whenever, really."

"Does one hour work for you?" I nodded. He flipped through his planner. "How does… Next week Tuesday work for you?"

I nodded. "Absolutely."

"Good." He nodded, writing it in. He stood, leading me to the door. "I think we have a good plan set in place."

"I agree." I smiled. "Thank you very much. See you next week." I walked out of his office. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him inspect his desk, looking for anything that had moved. I smiled, heading back to the front of the office.


	17. Freshly Opened Book

"Sora?"

"Hmm?" I blinked, my attention switching back to him. "Sorry, I was daydreaming. What was the question?"

Dr Norris straightened the stack of paper on his desk. "Are you comfortable talking about your family? I figure it's best to talk about them before moving on."

I nodded. "I'm an open book. Ask away."

He cleared his throat and pulled out a piece of paper. "The names of your mother and father?"

"My mother is named Danielle, and my father Sebastien. She's a painter. Nothing all that great, if you ask me. Dad is a business man. Works for some big energy company."

"And your siblings?" He asked, head down, pen on paper writing down what seemed like my every word.

"Jacob, he's 28. He's a pretty accomplished lawyer, family court. He's been trying to get into criminal for ages. Erika is 16, in the 11th grade. She's taking IB courses."

He finished writing and set his pen down, staring at me intently. "Sora, how is the relationship between you and your siblings?"

"Well," I chuckled. "Let's just say I'm not the favorite?"

"Why's that?" He asked, his head cocked.

I raised my eyebrow. "I'm a gay model. When I was growing up I had no potential for anything. I didn't want to do anything. Jacob has always wanted to be a lawyer, and Erika is going to be a paediatrician. As far as my relationship with them goes, I get along with Erika better. Jacob's my older, 'more successful' brother, and he likes to boast that to everyone. He's there for me when it serves in his interest. Erika and I get along better because I think we understand each other better." I laughed. "We both like guys, and we don't know how to act around them half the time. She comes to me for that kind of advice, and I go to her for that, too. I guess we just have more in common. That said, I would do anything for either of them."

He nodded, jotting some notes down. "How about your mother?"

I shrugged, biting my lip. I hated talking about my parents. But, this was all stuff he needed to know, and if I was going to be an open book, I needed to do it, no matter how much I didn't want to. "Her and I are alright. She's always been pretty coy around me. She walks on eggshells a lot. I don't know why. But yeah, we've got a decent relationship. Her and I don't really get into fights. I mean, the last time we ever had words were when I told her I was moving in with Riku, and her only problem was that I was being tricked into something I didn't want to do. She's since relaxed about that." I added with a smile.

"I'm glad." He smiled. "And what about with your father?"

Any bit of happiness was gone in that instant. "Yes, sir. No, sir."

He nodded, holding his pointer fingers to his lips. "Controlling, I imagine?" I nodded. "How long has that been going on?"

"Ever since I can remember. One of us, Erika, Jacob, or myself, could do something wrong and he would turn into a drill sergeant. 'Clean those floors! That's not a push up! What do you mean, you're tired?' It went on and on. He was in the military for 20 years. He was shot in Kuwait in year 15, so he became a trainer for new recruits. 'Wannabe gunslinging pussy soldiers', he called them. He was a trainer for 5 years before he was given a dishonorable discharge. Sexually assaulted a few of the recruits to assert his dominance." I shifted slightly in my seat and sat on my hands. "Every family has a secret, right?" I half smiled.

He nodded, unintentional excitement in his eyes. "Sora, did your father ever touch you?"

I blinked. "What, molest me? No, of course not. I mean, it's not like he didn't try to when things got out of hand, but he always stopped himself. He could never do it to any of us."

"Are you sure?" He seemed doubtful.

"As far as I know, my father never touched me in a sexually provocative way." I said sternly, yet doubting every word I said.

"Sora…" Malakai said from the window, his usual position when we were here.

"I really don't want to hear it, Malakai." I said sharply, harder than I intended.

Dr Norris leaned in. "What do you think Malakai was going to say?"

I bit my lip. "I don't want to know." I turned my head away, curling into a ball.

He nodded and put his hands heavily on his knees. "I think you and I are done for the day, what do you think?"


	18. Letters

The mail had been piling up going on a week since the article had been released. Riku insisted, begged me to read them, open them in the least. But there they sat on the table by the door, piles two inches tall, some addressed to me, some to both of us, forwarded from Melissa.

"Sora, please. Just a few." He asked, sliding a small stack towards me across the kitchen table. I pushed them away, shovelling another bowl of dry, flaky cereal into my mouth. He sighed and stood, putting one in front of me, already opened. "At least read this one. I'm going to the bathroom." I glanced up at his back, turning around the corner to the bathroom. The opened envelope felt thick in my hands. I sighed and pulled the sheet of paper from inside.

> _Dear Sora,_
> 
> _I wanted to thank you. Thank you for refusing to be different than what all the critics say. I have seen every spread, every photo of yours, and you look the same in all of them, despite the critics belief that you should put on some weight, be more manly, less pretty. I remember in one of your earlier interviews when you said that no matter what people said or thought about you, you were going to be you and do what you wanted to do for yourself. I'm sure you get this all the time, but those words saved my life, in more ways than one._
> 
> _I'm glad you didn't change your image. That's the one thing I like about you most. You use what you have to your advantage, refusing to be any different. You don't do what people want you do to. I honestly think you are who everyone should aspire to be: true to yourself, not hide behind lies._
> 
> _Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. You and Riku have always been my favorite models._
> 
> _Again, thank you so much,_
> 
> _Sydney Carlisle_

A single tear hit my hand. Is this what people think of me? Am I really that special? I looked up.

Riku was leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed. "There are more like that. You mean a lot to a lot of people, Sor. It isn't just me, and they aren't all focused on our relationship. I think they needed an excuse to thank you." He smiled.

I picked up the letter off the top of the stack.

_Dear Sora, thank you._

_Sora, you saved my life._

_Dear Sora, you taught me how to be myself._

_Mr Kirkpatrick, there aren't enough words to tell you how thankful I am._

_Sora, you gave me the strength to be honest to myself._

_Dear Sora, you are my hero._

_Sora, because of you, I'm still alive._

I cried, reading how I had saved their lives, the lives of friends, families, how I'd changed the way they thought of themselves and others, how I taught them to love themselves. Each letter was so heartfelt, so encouraging. I never realized how much I meant to complete strangers, even some fellow models.

I read through the rest of the day, ignoring food, drink, phone calls, anything. By sundown I had read through every letter, a few a couple times. My eyes burned from crying so much, my fingers raw from opening envelope after envelope after envelope. Riku was in the kitchen, making lasagne. I stood up and hugged him tightly from behind.

I felt him smile. "What was that for?"

"Thank you. Thank you for making me read those."

He laughed, spinning around. "I only made you read one."

I rolled my eyes. "Take the damned compliment. There's paper and envelopes in the office, right?" I said, halfway there.

"Are you seriously going to respond to some of those?"

"Nope." I called back, hearing him sigh. "I'm responding to all of them." I returned to the table, stacks of paper, envelopes and a cup of pens in my arms.

He sighed. "At least eat first." He said and placed a plate in front of me. I shovelled the food into my mouth. "Anything I can do to help?"

I shook my head. "I'm writing them all myself. If you want, you could do the envelopes." He nodded and pulled a stack towards him, along with a pile of letters.

…

I walked into Melissa's office, a box in my arms. "What's this?" She asked when I put it on her desk with a loud thud.

"Letters." I smiled.

Her eyes widened. "How many people are you writing to?"

"Six hundred and eighty four." I said, turning for the door. "One for each person that sent me a letter since the article. Could you send them for me? They only need stamps."

"Sora, wait." I stopped, one foot out the door, and turned. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Fine, why?"

She smiled. "Just wondering. Good to have you back."

"It's good to be back." I smiled, walking out of her office, whistling to myself.


	19. Shoebox

The warm summer air licked my cheeks as I ran through the river valley. Adilet ran beside me just as a real dog would: panting, growling when people came near. Calm, Adi. Calm. I thought to her intently. Even if she wasn't real to anyone else, she was real to me, thus I was responsible for her. 'Responsibility is key.' Dr Norris always said to me at the end of our sessions. She was my responsibility. My iPhone rang through my headphones. "Go." I clicked the button on the cord and panted out.

"Hey. How's the run?" Riku asked, the sounds of traffic in the background.

"Good. Almost done."

"Okay. I'll meet you at the end. I've got that shoebox you wanted me to bring."

I smiled. "Awesome. I'll be there in five."

I reached the end of the path, completely out of breath. Riku was sitting on the hood, a bottle of water in one hand and an apple in the other. I walked towards him, smiling. "Thank you kind sir." I gave him a quick kiss and hopped into the car.

He dropped into the driver's side. "You're very welcome." He pulled out of the parking lot and onto the freeway. "Are you ready?"

I pulled the near empty bottle from my lips. "As ready as I can be."

"You sure you want me to come in with you?" He asked, glancing at me. "This is a big moment for you."

I nodded. "I'm sure. I'm probably not going to want to talk about this after the fact."

He nodded. "I'm proud of you, Sora." I looked at the side of his head. "I'm so proud with how far you've made it over the last couple months. You're my hero." He added, pulling into the parking lot.

"Thanks, Riku." I smiled, my eyes teary. He came around the corner of the car and pulled me into a hug, right into his chest. I breathed deeply, remembering his calming scent for my upcoming anxiety attack around the box. I pulled away and kissed him gently. I took a deep breath and took the box from the car. "I'm ready."

He smiled and took me by the hand, leading the way to the office. He sat me in a seat and checked us in. My heart started to race. Was I ready to go through with this? Would I be okay? Would I be able to look at my family the same? What memories could this bring on, bring back? I started to panic. Riku sat beside me and I gripped his knee hard.

He rubbed my back. "I know. I know."

"Sora?" Dr Norris came down the long hallway. Riku and I stood, my body shaking. Riku led me down the hall, making small talk that sounded like underwater noise. I was shuffled into his overtly large, dominating office and I immediately walked to the window wall and sat down. I could feel their eyes on me, their muted words directed at me.

"Sora?" I turned my head. Malakai was kneeling beside me. "Mind if I…?"

"Go for it." I responded, ignoring the questioning vibes I was getting from Dr Norris and Riku.

He sat down and sighed heavily. "This is a big day. An important day." I nodded slowly. "Are you sure you can do this? Once the box is opened, there's no going back."

"I'm sure." I nodded, sighing just as heavily. I rested my head on his shoulder and looked out the window. "Just… Promise you'll stay?"

He half smiled, squeezing my thigh. "We'll all be here as long as you need us. Good luck."

"Good. Thank you." I smiled, standing and moving back over to Riku and Dr Norris. "Hello."

He nodded. "Sora, who were you talking to?"

"Malakai."

He nodded, writing more down. Honestly, the amount that man wrote down, he could have written a novel about me. "So the plan for today is to catch Riku up to speed and refresh ourselves about your progress over the last few months, and when you're comfortable and ready, open the box." He looked at me and Riku. We both nodded, I a little more hesitantly. "First, how are you feeling today, Sora."

I thought for a moment. A million thoughts raced through my head, each with a different emotion attached to it. "I think… I'm scared. Nervous."

"Why is that?"

"Schroedinger's box." He cocked his head slightly, questioning. "The dead cat, alive cat theory. Only, this box has my past in it, not a cat. It's neither here nor there until I open it."

He nodded, writing. "Alright. Shall we jump into it then?" I took a deep breath and nodded. "Over the last few months," he looked periodically to his notes and directed most of his speech to Riku. "Sora and I have talked about what he's been seeing, his life presently, where he sees it going, and where it's been. I have been in contact with his mother, father, and both siblings, and that on it's own I would like to talk about later. His hallucinations have been better on a whole, and we now know who they are: Malakai, the man in the suit; Adilet, the Siberian Husky; Jett, the man in black; and Amelia, the little girl. Sora doesn't have the fear anymore of hallucinations acting on his personal life, and gets along with them all. Most importantly, we've worked on coping skills. Is that all correct, Sora?"

I nodded. That was the gist of it.

"Any questions, Riku?" He asked, turning to him.

Riku shook his head. "None."

"Alright. Sora, when you're ready. Do whatever you need to get comfortable."

I nodded, sliding onto the floor and crossing my legs. "Could you sit on the floor with me too?" Both men did so, no questions asked. "Sorry, it's more… Solid down here."

Dr Norris nodded. "It's quite alright. You're grounding. If it helps, ignore that we're even here."

I smiled. Jett, Amelia, Adilet, and Malakai gathered around as well, sitting in the gaps, Adilet resting her head on my lap. I stroked her head gently, calming my racing heart and heavy breathing. Gently, I pulled the lid off the shoebox. Riku rested his hand on top of mine, taking more of the stress from me. One by one, I took the items out of the box, not thinking too much about each piece: rubber bands, chunks of plastic, a metal case that jingled, countless photographs, hospital wristbands, socks, pamphlets.

"Are you ready to talk about it, Sora?" Dr Norris asked me directly after giving me a few minutes to sit alone with the objects.

I nodded and looked, actually looked at the items in front of me. Panic, memories, flashbacks attacked my vision. Rings placed around my penis. Smooth metal and plastic put inside me. Blades running around my skin. Tight elastics cutting into my wrists. Bloodied socks shoved in my mouth. Invitations. Gags. Laughter. Flesh. Blood. Tearing. Ripping. Needles. Knives. Whips. Chains. Binding. Tears. Pain. Pain. Pain.

Panic.

I pushed away quickly from the items, my eyes wide as saucers. No. No no no no no. "It's not true, IT'S NOT TRUE!" I screamed, my hands forcing the images from my mind. Tears flooded from my eyes, soaking my hands and sleeves. Someone tried to wrap their arms around me and I flinched out of the way. "Don't touch me!" I shrieked, my voice clouded by tears.

"Sora, honey, talk to me." Riku cooed, not far from me.

I raised my head, trying to look at him and screamed. "No, not me! You don't want me! Take him instead!"

"What are you seeing?" He asked more forcefully, his hand landing on my foot. I screamed bloody murder and slid back to the wall, curling into a crying ball of fear. I cried for what felt like hours, the memories coming in rapid fire.

"Sora…" Malakai whispered. "It's okay. It's okay. He's gone. He's not here. Jett is dealing with him." He gently touched my shoulder. I flinched slightly, immediately relaxing under his touch. I opened my eyes; Adilet had laid in front of me, as a barrier, and Malakai was sitting beside me. My breathing slowed, my heart stopped racing completely. My eyes dried. Slowly, I uncurled from my ball of fear. I carefully picked my ways back to the items, getting close enough to see them in detail, but far back enough that they couldn't hurt me.

Dr Norris gave me a second. "Are you alright?" I nodded slowly. "Could you tell us what happened?"

I nodded again. "When I looked at those," I pointed to each of the objects, my voice slow, quiet. "I remembered. I remembered being 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 12, 13, 14 all over again. I used to wear rubber bands, so when I did something wrong, I could snap them against my wrists. The rings were placed around my penis so I wouldn't orgasm before the man raping me allowed it. The plugs were put inside me during the day as punishment; they were too big for me to handle and I would cry, getting punished more that night. The metal case has razor blades, broken glass, bits of knives in it that I used to use to cut myself. The socks would be used to wipe up my own blood from being torn wide open and shoved in my mouth as a gag. The hospital bands were from every time someone took it too far, whatever that was. The photographs were documentation; there's videos too. The pamphlets were how he advertised us. Each of us, mom, Jacob, Erika, and I went through the same punishment." I stood, dazed, and walked to the window. "Have you ever noticed how small the people look from up here? They look like ants."


	20. Sigh

The camera flashed repeatedly, my eyes spotting over. I sighed. Runway shows were something I loved, don't get me wrong, but the red carpet leading into the events were almost bad enough to not go. Alas, it couldn't be.

"Sora! Riku!" A female journalist called over the crowd. I sighed, smiled, and pulled Riku over to the journalist. "Leslie Williamson, PhotoSnap magazine. How are you both?" She thrust a mic into our face.

"Good, good." Riku smiled. "Luckily the weather has been good for us." The two of them chatted back and forth.

My eyes wandered through the crowd of cameras and news reporters and journalists. I heard a high pitched buzzing overwhelming the incessant chatter. I craned my head, hoping to see where the sound was coming from.

Riku nudged me hard in the ribs. "Hmm?"

"You okay?" He asked, conviction not quite there. He knew what was going on, thank god.

I smiled. "Yeah, sorry. My mind was wandering."

Leslie blinked. "My question was what would you like to say to your fans?"

"Just… Thank you. They've all been so supportive since Riku and I came out. We got," I looked at Riku. "How many letters?"

He shook his head. "Don't look at me. You replied to all of them."

I laughed. "We got something like six hundred letters, and each of them were so heartfelt and moving. So, just thanks." I smiled.

"Thank you, gentlemen." She smiled and shook our hands. Riku took mine and led me into the wide open room.

I sighed. Front row, end of the runway. As per usual. I put on my bravest smile and walked over, my head held high. "Hey, Melissa." I smiled, sitting beside her.

She nodded. "Gentlemen."

"Same routine as always?" Riku asked. At almost every show we went to wherein we sat at the end of the walk, Melissa had us decide if we liked the collection, enough to model them. She nodded and the lights dimmed. Here we go, I thought, sighing yet again. Riku took my hand and squeezed it. "Are you feeling okay? You've been sighing a lot." He whispered in my ear.

I nodded. "Memories, you know? I don't exactly need to be in a room filled with people in the dark."

He squeezed my hand tight. "I'm here for you."

I sighed. "Let the show begin."

It was near impossible to pay attention to the show. Between Adilet pacing in front of me, growling at anything that moved, and Jett walking between the models, checking them out, I was thoroughly distracted. I would look to the sides and see older men and women I didn't know, but had that feeling they knew me in a far more intimate way, if you could call it that. During the show, it was all I could do not to have an anxiety attack, run out of there screaming.

An hour too late, the show ended and Riku, sensing my distress, pulled me out of there, told Melissa we'd call with our decision. He packed me into the car and drove. I stared out the window. My breathing steadied somewhat; sighing helped, forcing the bad energy from my body, only to breathe it back in. He pulled to a stop at the top of a hill and picked me up, placing me on the hood of the car. I laid back, searching the stars for some sort of answer to some sort of question.

"Sora, tell me what's going on." Riku asked, sliding up beside me. I sighed. "And stop bloody sighing."

I smiled. "Sorry. I guess I'm just… I don't know. I'm still living the memories. The flashbacks. The show wasn't good."

He nodded. "And the sighing?"

"You ever exhale and imagine you're forcing out, I don't know, bad energy?" He nodded. "That's sighing for me." I looked to my side. Adilet was sitting beside the car, poised, ready to attack if she even could. "I think we should get a dog."

Riku turned his head. "Oh yeah?" I nodded. "What kind?"

"Siberian Husky."

He nodded. "Like Adilet."

"Like Adilet."

This time, he sighed, pulling his arms behind his head. "I was thinking about getting a house. And I have a feeling might help you out."

I smiled and rolled over. "I love you." I kissed him gently and curled into him, looking up at the skies.


	21. Intent

Several months had passed since Dr Norris had gotten to the root of what manifested my early hallucinations. Then months between had been hard: I had to jump through very small hoops to cover my ass, or any sort of giveaway. It had been hard on me, and especially hard on Riku. He never knew if I was lying or not. We had decided a few weeks previous that I would take a bit of a break from modelling, so I had time to take care of myself and put the last few details on our wedding. Needless to say, he was asked wherever he went where I was (I'd taken to staying home), why I wasn't modelling, if everything was okay. 'He's fine,' he would say. 'Finishing the touches on our wedding.' I loved him dearly for covering for me.

A loud knocking on the door ran through the house. Cautiously, I walked to it and opened the door. Melissa burst in. "Okay, Sora. I've been getting calls from photographers, other agencies, magazines, radio stations, tv shows, your mother asking where you are." She flopped into a chair in the living room, exhaling deeply. I sat down carefully across from her. "What do you want me to tell people?"

"No one needs to know." Malakai said, popping his head around the corner.

"Why not?" I asked him, avoiding Melissa's stare.

He sighed, leaning against the wall. "For the obvious reason. You'll have to explain, and you can barely think about what happened without crying. You could easily keep quiet until it's the right time. Now probably isn't it."

Melissa couldn't keep quiet anymore. "Who are you talking to?!"

I blinked. I hadn't told her? "Malakai. One of my… Hallucinations. He says I shouldn't tell, not yet."

She threw her arms up. "Then what do I do?"

I sighed. She could very easily lie, say I'm out sick. No, that'd be to easily foiled. Stress? Never been an issue beforehand. Death in the family? It would have been in the tabloids. There was only one foreseeable things to do. "Who wants the story the most?"

Her eyes lit up. "Are you going to interview?"

"Maybe. I'll think about it."

"Cosmo wants you pretty badly." She smiled. "They've called me every day for the last 2 weeks."

"Okay." I sighed. "Tell them I'll do it."

…

Bailey McGreggor's office was far smaller than any other I'd ever been in: a desk, chair, and bookcase occupied one half of the room, the other half by an oversized armchair and a sofa in matching black leather. "Have a seat." She smiled, indicating to the sofa. She rushed around, gathering her notes and a tape recorder. "Mind if I…?"

I nodded. "By all means."

She took a seat in the armchair and set up the recorder. "My intent with this interview is to find out those things our readers, and definitely the general public, want to know. Right now, that's your relationship status with Riku, and your disappearance from the modelling world. When the article is done, I'll send it to Miss Draper, for a quick read-through and your approval. Sound good?" I nodded, shifting more comfortably in my seat. "Alright, I'll jump right into it. First question, when's the wedding?"

I smiled. "A week tomorrow. We're having a destination wedding."

"Whereabouts?" She smiled, her hand holding her face.

"Table Mountain in South Africa."

"Why there?" She asked, jotting down the location.

"Most of Riku's family lives there, and he wanted to get away from the monotony of most destination weddings." I smiled, tapping my leg.

She smiled and nodded. "Is family a big part of your lives, yours specifically?"

I bit my lip. "Family is a major part of Riku's life; he's one of seven kids fro crying out loud. As for me… Not so much."

She cocked her head. "And why's that?"

Blow it off. I shrugged. "We've had our fare share of differences, some that we can't get past."

"I understand." She nodded. "Honeymoon?"

"We're going across Europe." I smiled, happy for the change of tone. "When he suggested it, I thought he was nuts. We do that every year, sometimes twice. His response was 'Yeah, but we never do it as non-models. We'll wear moustaches and top hats, and carry canes around. No one will know it's us.'" We both laughed. "I objected. This face does not work with a moustache."

She slowly regained the ability to talk. "So, where have you been for the last few weeks? Riku has been out and about, and you're no where to be seen."

I smiled. Keep calm. "I've been putting the finishing touches on the wedding plans."

"For three weeks?" She raised an eyebrow, unconvinced.

"Well… No." I bit my lip. How do I word this? "I've had some medical and family stuff that has needed dealing with."

Her breath hitched. "Medical? Are you okay?"

I laughed. "Don't worry, after the honeymoon I'll be back. Just a hiccup in the grand scheme of things."

"May I ask what?"

I froze for a minute, panicking. Do I tell? Do I not tell? I listened to the voice in the back of my head. "I had a slight mental breakdown almost a year ago. I've been seeing a psychiatrist since then, and Riku and I decided that I should take some time off to recoup."

"Really?" She said excitedly, writing quickly. "What happened exactly?"

I shifted in my seat. "With the breakdown?" She nodded. I took a deep breath. "I was seeing things. Hallucinations. One particular hallucination scared me so much Riku had to drive around for four and a half hours before I could calm down."

She crossed her arms on her knees, leaning forwards. "That's too bad. Have you been diagnosed with anything?"

I shook my head. "Just hallucinations." She nodded, smiling slightly. I glanced to my left. Malakai's face transformed to anger. I shuddered, looking back at Ms McGreggor. "I don't want you to sensationalize this; that wasn't my intent. I was answering your question, that's it. Don't make the article about that."

"Understood." She nodded.

…

"Sora!" Riku shouted from down the hall.

I rolled out of bed, hiked sweats onto my hips, and moved slowly into the hall. "What?" I yawned.

"Mel emailed the article over." I walked into the office and draped my arms around his neck. He kissed my hands. "It's really good."

I read it over his shoulder and smiled. As I asked, the focus wasn't on the hallucinations, but the wedding.


	22. Journey

I couldn't believe it: in less than 48 hours, Riku would be my husband. Husband, I thought, rolling the word around in my mind. It didn't feel right, yet completely right at the same time. Mr Sora Mason Kirkpatrick and Mr Riku Jonah Bellamy. We'd discussed the name change thing; Sora Bellamy, Riku Kirkpatrick, but decided against it. Our names were our own, and it was going to stay that way. People knew who we were by our names, and I had no intention of changing that.

I packed my last few essentials into my carry-on: laptop, silencing headphones, a book, iPod, and gravol. As often as it was that I flew, I didn't fly well; I nearly always got motion sickness, and if I was going to be in a pressurized, constantly moving metal container for nearly 20 hours, it was bound to happen.

Double checking I had everything, I slung my backpack over my shoulders and wheeled my suitcase to the front door. "Riku!" I called. "Hurry up! I told Erika we'd be there at eleven!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" He called from the bathroom, the faint bzz of his razor mixing with his voice.

I rolled my eyes. Men. "I'll meet you at the car." I took the keys from the dish by the door and hauled my humongous bag down to the parkade.

"So," Malakai strutted beside me. "You're finally getting married to him." I nodded, smiling. "Do you want us there?" He asked, indicating to Jett, Amelia, and Adilet.

I thought for a moment, pulling my suitcase behind me. Did I want the hallucinations who had always been a part of my life to be at the most important day to me? The answer was, "Yes. I want you guys there. Each of you." I smiled, looking at them both. I glanced around and gave each of them a hug. Even though the article had been published with fantastic results, I was still shy about showing my actions with them, my family. I started to tear up.

Amelia grabbed my hand. "Don't cry, Sora. Be happy." She smiled. I smiled down at her and walked back to the car, leading them. I lifted my suitcase into the trunk and put my bag beside it. The car was turned on, my favorite album playing through the speakers.

I sat in the driver's seat, Malakai in the passengers, Jett, Amelia, and Adilet in the back seat. "See you guys in Johannesburg." I smiled and they vanished in front of me. I could hear Riku's panting from across the parkade. I laughed and ran over to him, taking his carry-on from him. "What is there, a dead body in here?"

He chuckled through his heavy breathing. "Nah. Just everything you forgot." I looked at him sideways. "Passports, neck pillows, tylenol, and granola bars." I laughed. I knew I forgot something. We piled his bags into the trunk and got in, pulled out of the parkade, and hit the highway.

We pulled up in front of the house, the house that held my broken childhood, just past eleven. Erika was sitting on the porch, nodding her head to the music in her ears. I honked the horn. "Oi, loser!" I yelled. Her head jerked up, a smile immediately on her face. She picked up her duffel bag and ran to the car. "Get in. We're going to Africa."

"What's that from?" Riku pondered.

She laughed, climbing in. "Mean girls, right?"

"Four for you, Erika Kirkpatrick. And none for Riku Bellamy. Bye." I drove off, Erika and I both laughing, Riku looking at me in solid confusion.

…

"So." Riku said, handing Erika and I our boarding passes. "Our flight leaves in about three hours." I sighed. We were on the other side of customs and, even though it was an amazingly nice airport, there was no way to kill three hours. "I checked in with our gate, and Mel hasn't gotten here yet. Could you call her?" He asked, flopping into the seat beside me.

I shook my head. "Left my phone at home."

Erika gasped, sitting up. "But Sora, what about the tumblr dashboards, the Facebook walls, and the twitter feeds." I rolled my eyes and kicked her in the sides. She laughed, clutching her side.

Riku laughed. "No problem. One minute." He stood and took out his phone, walking away from us.

I looked down at Erika, still holding where I kicked her. I slid to the floor beside her. "Are you okay?" She nodded, wincing. I sighed. "Let me see." She pulled her hand away and I gently lifted the hem of her shirt. I have never seen a bigger, blacker bruise.

"Sora, it's nothing. I.. I fell down the stairs at school." She tried to cover.

I looked at her, remaining calm, collected, strong. "You and I both know you didn't. Did he do it?" She shook her head. "One of his… Parties?" She nodded, folding into me, silent tears streaming down her face. I stroked her hair, cooing her with 'it's okays' and 'I'm always here for yous'.

"She's on-" Riku raised his head and an eyebrow. Bruise on her side. Dad. I mouthed to him. He nodded. "Do you want me to get anything?"

"A… A drink, please. Lemonade." Erika said, breathing deeply to calm herself. Riku nodded, turned, and left. "I tried to get him to stop. You know I did. But he-"

I nodded. "I know. I'm sorry." I held her close. "You can come stay with me and Riku anytime you like, okay?"

"Okay." She smiled.

Riku returned. "This is the world's best lemonade." He handed her a large drink. She took a sip and her eyes widened in delight.

…

"Sora, Sora." Riku nudged me.

I groaned, attempting to pry my eyes open. We'd been flying for near 10 hours, 6 of which I'd very happily slept through. I rolled over in my first class seat, cracking an eye open. "What." He indicated over his shoulder to Melissa. I turned my chair slightly. "What."

She glared at Riku, who turned around. "I picked up your tux before I left, and the dr-" I widened my eyes, shaking my head slightly. Luckily, she got the memo. "It's in my bag, just as you wanted it."

I nodded. "Thanks. Can I go back to sleep?"

…

I was jostled roughly awake. Turbulence. I reached for Riku's hand and squeezed tight, refusing to let go as we dropped and gained height quickly.

He squeezed my hand gently. "We're landing. It's okay." I nodded, pressing my eyes closed tight. Up and down, up and down. Left and right, left and right. My stomach jumped up into my throat, and every time it wished to expel itself I willed it down. Don't do it now. You've lasted this long, stomach. Don't let me down. I glanced out the window. The ground approached seemingly rapidly and my stomach lurched. Again, I pounded it down. The air around us screamed as we neared the ground. Oh god, oh god, oh god, I thought to myself. We are going to die.

Next thing I knew the wheels were on the ground and we were slowing down. I clapped ferociously, along with everyone else on the plane. I sighed deeply, relaxing. "We didn't die."

Riku squeezed my hand. "We didn't die."

I looked at him my eyes wide. "That was quite the journey." He smiled. "I love you."

He pulled my hand to his lips, kissing my fingers gently. "I love you, future husband."


	23. Audience

"Well," Melissa stood, hands on her hips. "Turn. Look."

I looked at myself in the mirror and gasped. "Wow. I… Wow."

She smiled. "I've got to go. The walk is starting. Hurry up."

I nodded, shooing her away. This is the moment, I thought to myself. This is the biggest day of my life, and I'm getting married in a dress. I spun, the bottom of the gown swirling around me. My cheeks turned bright red. "I'm getting married."

Outside the small house, wedding music began to play. I took a deep breath and walked to the doors. Melissa and one of Riku's brothers, Zephyr, joined arms and walked down the short isle, followed by my sister and another one of his brothers, Ocean. The audience was full, standing room only. Riku's family filled his side, mine filled with friends and co-workers. I wished my family was there for me; I'd invited Jacob, mom, and dad. Each one of them refused to come. But with the departure of one family comes another.

The music changed slightly, to my march. I took a deep breath and walked onto the isle.

The widest smile crested Riku's face. I blushed deep red, walking slowly down the isle. He came and met me half way, taking my hand, kissing my cheek. "You look beautiful." He whispered, walking me the rest of the way.

"You look amazing." I smiled, stopping before the justice of peace.

She smiled at the two of us and began. "Dearly beloved, we gather here today to witness the joining of Mr Sora Kirkpatrick and Mr Riku Bellamy. To get married on such a lovely day, in such an absolutely beautiful location as this will surely foreshadow this relationship between these two loving people. Do you have your vows?" Riku nodded. "If you would turn towards each other, please. Riku, would you start?"

He nodded, pulling a sheet of paper from the inside pocket of his suit. "Sora. I'd always hoped I'd fine someone who would stay awake into the night, talking about what superhero was the best. Someone who would want to be spontaneous and go to Japan on a six hour whim. Someone who wouldn't mind a charming South African such as myself. I'd always wanted to be the one, the everything, the one called yours." He cleared my throat thickly, tears welling up in his eyes, i my own. "The moment I saw you at the photo shoot in all your awkwardness, I knew you were the one, the one who could give me what I wanted, the one I could give anything you needed. You became my one, my everything, the one I called mine. I will always be here for you, Sorbear, no matter what: sick, dying, healthy, alive, poor, worse, wealthy, better. I promise you that I will be the man you want until the end of our days." I smiled, my eyes wet with tears. He wiped his hand across his eyes and exhaled quickly.

The officiator smiled at him. "Absolutely beautiful." She turned to me.

"How am I supposed to follow that?" I asked, smiling through the tears. The people around us laughed. I looked to my side, scanning the audience. There. In the very back. Malakai stood beside Jett, Amelia on his shoulders. They all waved, smiling.

Happy.

I turned back to Riku and smiled. "Riku, from the moment I saw you on a billboard on 17th and 104th, I knew I had to meet you. I didn't know why, but I knew. When I started modelling, and I got the shoot with you, I was so excited, so nervous. It was everything I wanted it to be and more." I wiped my eyes, keeping them trained on him. "I never thought that we would be here, almost 6 years later, getting married. This is the happiest I've been, and I know that we can only go up from here. I love you so much Riku, and I will be with you forever, no matter what happens. It's just you and me." Tears fell down my cheeks. Carefully, he wiped them away, smiling, tears in his eyes.

The officiator smiled. "Could we have the rings, please?" Riku's brother, Caspian, stepped forwards and gave her the rings. She handed one to Riku, one to me. "If you could place the rings."

I gazed into his eyes, forgetting about everyone around us; anything behind Riku became fuzzy, out of focus. I slid the ring onto his long finger. A bolt of happiness shot through me. This will be the rest of my life. He slid the ring on my finger, my body instantly feeling lighter. I blinked, brought back to the reality of the thing.

I looked at the justice of the peace. She smiled and spoke. "With that, a declare you husband and husband. You may now… Kiss."

Riku pulled me towards him and down into a dip, kissing me gently, people around us clapping, cheering, taking pictures.

But none of that mattered. All that did was that he and I were married.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading, and please consider reading the other perspectives! [when i get them up.]


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